Summer Love
by Manickliam
Summary: Bella Swan's life will never be the same after she agree's to stay with her mom for the summer in sunny Arizona. After raising herself despite Charlie's guidance and Renee's absence, can she handle love when it finds her? It's a summer of love and healing
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

The sun felt fantastic on my pale skin, the heat soaking right through to my bones, reviving the dormant cold muscles. I was like a frozen turkey, thawing out in the intense Arizona sun. I've spent too many years in Forks Washington with my Dad Police Chief Charlie Swan.

A constant cold rain brewed ominously over this inconsequencial town more then any other place in the United States. It was from this gloomy wet town my mother Renee escaped when I was very young. She was the whole reason for my first trip outside of the Olympic Peninsula. I was thrilled that I was going to live with her for the first time with any degree of permanance. Even if it was just for the summer.

The windows in my Dad's black Ford truck acted as a magnifying glass, filtering the intense sun on my up turned face. I felt like one of those poor ants I used to fry as a little girl with my neighbor Angela Weber.

Out of habit I wore my long sleeved thermal shirt and faded blue jeans. I let my heavy mahogany hair drape long and protectivly around my pale face. I just wasn't used to the sunlight as a natural heating resource. I had no summer wardrobe to speak of and even my water proof boots we're my everyday shoes. To say I looked and felt bland was the under statement of the year.

You would think, after traveling hundreds of miles, Charlie would have gotten used to the flashy cars that began to spring up since California. Apparently that was not the case. A bright yellow 911 Turbo tore past Charlie like a bolt of lightning_. _He grumbled under his breath that they should count their lucky stars that he was out of juristiction. I chuckled. All the cars around here had an open sun roof or souped up engine that rattled your teeth_. _Dad drove at a sensible fifty MPH while dried mud broke off in chunks behind us on the pristine highway.

Sheesh! Everything about Charlie and I screamed, _Were from out of town._

I looked over at Charlie. He was frowning. Of course he was.

He wasn't looking forward to dropping me off at Phil's fancy lake house in sunny Arizona. He was my Mother's fiance; a nice guy from what I could tell over infrequant e-mails and phone calls. They were getting married this Saturday, thus the reason Renee summoned me here. At first I was overly suspicious of the sudden invite. It had been eleven years since I had seen my mother. I had come to grips a long time ago that she just didn't want me, that my birth was a mistake. It was a nasty burdon to carry on your shoulders when you're a six year old. And now she asked for me to be with her, in person, while she got hitched to a man that wasn't my father. To say it didn't feel a little wierd would be lying.

I sighed, trying to quell the uncertainty that polked at my resolve. I didn't want Charlie to sense my indecision. He would assume he was right in this being a huge mistake. And let's face it, as a seventeen year old I could not give my father the satisfaction of gloating. It went against some teen code or something.

I pressed my forehead to the window and looked out at the alien landscape that stretched out before us.

We drove past a patch of lonely looking cactus, the land beyond it was nothing but red sand and dry brush scattered here and there. The landscape was so dry and parched. How did it survive? There was so much sunlight and wide open space that it was impossible to find shadow or shelter. I guess, coming from Forks, it was my natural instinct to scope out my surroundings for shelter. But there was no need here. The biggest danger was heat exposure and dehydration. The polar oppisite of home.

I guess that's why Renee ended up here.

I swallowed thickly at the realization. If she preffered this atmoshphere... then how is she going to react to me? A product of the gloomy town she hated enough to shun her own family. Her own daughter.

I shoved my depressing thought's aside, trying to focus on the reason I agreed to come here in first place. I know this was horrible of me, and I felt more than a little guilty for using my mothers wedding as an excuse, but I wanted to veg on the beach and soak up some well deserved ray's. Maybe even get some color. I snickered. The gang at school wouldn't know what to think if I came back with a _natural _tan. Not like Jessica Stanley's orange tan in a can. _Ha! _I'd be the first person beside's the LaPush kid's to have warm toned skin.

"What's so funny?" asked Charlie.

"Oh, I was just thinking about what everyone back home would say if I got a tan." I chuckled again. My skin had always been practically translucent!

"You won't return home any different Isabella. Not if I have anything to say about it."

His flat tone wiped the smile off my face. He said it as a demand more then an off handed comment.

He never spoke to me like that before. _E__ver_. He saw my frown and sighed. In a very un-Charlie-esque gesture he reached over to pat my hand that was resting on the seat between us.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm just a being foolish old man."

"You have every right to be nervous, dad." I certainly was.

"I'm not nervous," he lied. His mustach bristled; a tell tale sign I was hitting a nerve. "I'm frustrated. I never meant for you to grow up in a broken home." Just then a green interstate sign announced we we're getting closer to our destination. He glared at it and said, "Bouncing your child between state lines is not my idea of good parenting, Bella."

"Aw, Dad." I squeezed his hand and smiled sadly. "You've done a terrific job raising me despite the obsticals." He furrowed his dark brows into the rim of his sunglasses. Renee's was still a touchy subject.

I needed to lighten the mood. "You know, dad? You're really lucky I'm such a great kid. It give's you bragging right's. While I'm gone you should take the oppurtunity to show off you're mad parenting skills."

He cracked a smile and put his hand back on the steering wheel.

"That's just the thing Bells. Your not a kid anymore. If you haven't noticed your practically a woman. _E__ighteen_," he lamented.

"What do you mean?" I rebuked him. "I'll be seventeen until September thirteenth, thankyou very much. Don't make me grow up too fast. Geese."

That made him laugh.

There, let him live in denial for a little while longer.

He had lucked out as far as father's go. I had never had one single boyfriend. Not even a first kiss. I have, however, had a regular line of boys show up at my front door this past year. Eric Yorkie, cute asian boy in my Triganomitry class. Mike Newton, Gods answer to a golden retriever. And Tyler Crowley, a sweet guy but he just couldn't take no for an answer. He was the old adage, Im rubber your glue.

I liked them all fine as _freinds_. But I felt no spark, no chemisty when they were near me. I didn't pant or get dizzy just by the sight of them. I longed for that moment when I saw him. My prince charming. My handsome knight. My Mr. Darcy.

I loved the classics, especially Jane Austen. Her character's are so real that even in our day in age the hero's of her novel's make my twenty first century heart flutter. If only such a man exsisted for me. I sighed wistfully.

"I think this is the exit," Charlie muttered, checking the online Yahoo Map Quest directions. "Yep, here we are. Lake Pleasant."

My eyes grew wide. I sat up and leaned into the window. We had been driving for days along a straight flat stretch of concrete, and now my sunny warm sanctuary was within arms reach. My heart beat faster. My pale palms grew clammy. I swallowed back a whimper, panic coursing through my viens.

_Woah! What a silly reaction, Bella! You're here to have fun in the sun. Here to see your Mom get married_.

But if I were honest with myself I would admit that it was her final step of seperation from Charlie and I.

Why would she want me to witness that? I wondered if she understood how fragile I really was? What her leaving did to me? It destroyed me. At six years old when your daddy goes to work every single day because he can't stand to be reminded of his ex-wifes absense... it leaves that child with a sense of no worth. That's how I felt, sitting in my window seat, starring at countless car's driving by, waiting for momy to come home. Worthless and cursed.

And yet, here I am. Willing like a lamb led to slaughter.

All I desperately wanted was to be loved by her. Was that really so much to ask? She did in her own way, of course... just not enough to come back for me.

Depression replaced my panic and I lost interest in the picturesque lake that began to sprawl out before me.

_Good going Bella. Once again you found a way to turn a positive into a negative._

A glossy red convertible shot past us with a car full of kids, all smiling and good looking.

I sighed. I was pretty sure the kids who live around here threw beach parties and wore bathing suits all day long. I, on the other hand, hung out at the general store with my friend Jake and wore tatty sweatpants and hoodies. The highlight of my social life was Bingo night at the Lodge with dad and Billy Black. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I was down with the elderly.

I could feel a huge ass L tattooing itself to my forehead.

I sank back into my seat and glanced sideways at my Dad's face. His eyes were tired and lined, his curly brown hair receeding. He looked older then he should. This couldn't be easy for him. He wasn't pleased that I had to be subjected to a wedding that mocks his daughter and himself. He argued with me for months that I shouldn't have to go. But I refused to miss the big day. I wanted some symbol of her past to be there. Phil, her future. Myself, her past. Maybe it would give her a chance to realize what she'd lost. What I'd lost.

We drove in silence for half an hour, both our heart strings tightening with every mile. Charlie's knuckles grew whiter against the steering wheel while my lips set to a hard rigid line. I was really starting to feel the stress now; a headache settling itself directly between my eyes. Shouldn't this be we're my father's _'mad parenting skills' _kicked in? Shouldn't he recognize my stiff posture and quick shallow pant's as a sign of distress? He should be insisting, _don't be afraid, Bells. One quick call and I'll be here. _But no, he said nothing. It was the Swan way I suppose. Bottle up all your feelings until your blood pressure is beyond repair.

I decided to look out at the scenery, give it another chance.

The tall lush trees I've seen before. Nothing new there. Greenage was the usual canvas I was accustome to in Forks. But it was what layed beyond the tree line that made me blink with admiration. A crystal clear auquamarine lake of breath taking beauty shimmered for miles and miles and miles. Big pretty house's were tucked deep in the green hills of the landscape just beyond the waters edge.

_So many families, _I thought jealously.

I've seen lakes before of course, but not to this degree of calm elegance. I watched a speed boat slam through the waves it's neighboring jet skier was creating, twisting and turning erratically. The people in the boat were laughing, throwing there arms in the air. I couldn't see any detail of their face's, but I longed to be that happy one day. To let go and slam through the waves I created.

"Here we are," Charlie said a few minutes later.

"Already?" I squeeked, my voice a few octaves too high.

Renee burst through the front door of a large brick house at the end of the smooth blacktop driveway. I examined her face curiously. I looked very similar to my mother except that she had auburn hair and was tan. I sucked in a surprised gasp. Charlie looked from Renee to me, nodding as if he had expected as much. I realized in that moment that everytime Charlie looked at me, he saw Renee. A constant reminder of his failed marriage.

Great. Add on the guilt. I think there was a few inches left in my body somewhere.

Her similar face was glowing with excitment. Mine was resigned at my miserable fate. I forced a smile and waved, grabbing my backpack from the bed of the truck._ I can do this, _I chanted. I had acted happy for Charlie since I was a little girl. Acting was a simple matter of survival in my life.

_"BELLA!"_ Renee cried.

"Hi, mom," I said breathlessly when she crashed into me.

"_Look at you!" _She held my arms out from my side, scanning me up and down.

"_Bah," _I waved her off. "There's nothing special to look at."

She pulled an incredulous face. "What are you talking about?" She touched my cheeks, forcing me to make eye contact. I flushed, feeling suffocated by her attention. I wasn't used to it. "Your all grown up, baby girl. A woman."

Baby girl...

I forgot that she used to call me that. It sparked an ache deep in my chest. Renee's hazel eyes moved to something over my shoulder. I could feel the instant tension. Charlie pulled out my suit case and walked over to us.

"Hello, Renee," he nodded his head curtly.

"Charlie," she smiled uncomfortably. "You look well."

"You too," he said cordially. "Where do we put these?"

"Follow me." She led us to the brick house and opened the screen door. "Welcome home, Bella," she whispered as I stepped inside.

"Thanks," I said confused. _This wasn't my home_. Charlie bristled.

The house was large and cozy. The floors were a shiney pine and the walls a buttery yellow. All the windows we're cracked open, a light breeze blowing the sheer curtains about. It was beautiful, light and airy. I noticed immediately that it was, once again, the polar oppisite of our home in Forks. The claustraphobia that one exprienced from the dark florsant lit homes was something you never got used to. For whatever reason this made me feel inadequate. My clothes, my personality, my everything wasn't up to snuff here. I felt like slinking off into the woods where I belonged.

To add insult to injury, just over Charlie's shoulder where photographs showcasing my progression from birth to my junior year portrait..._ugh_... those were embarassing. Prepubesant skin blemishes, braces, bad hair and all, smiled back at me in the form of Bella Swan; awkward girl. I blushed and turned away.

"Come on," mom smiled, tugging on my elbow. "Let's get you settled in."

Low gentle murmmers of conversation floated from one of the doors she led us past. The kitchen?

I back tracked a few steps at the sound of my name.

"Bella?" called a man I assumed was Phil. I was shocked when he lept forward and hugged me. I chuckled somwhere in his chest, patting his back awkardly.

"I'm so glad you came," he said dropping me back to the floor. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Im fine, Phil. Thankyou," I answered, slightly taken aback by his sweetness. "And how have you been?"

"Just dandy," he winked.

He was a tall man, strongly built and tanned; a definite athlete. He ran his hand through his straight brown hair and appraised me with his happy blue eyes. He frowned slightly. I would have been insulted if I wern't sidetracked by the fact that he was really young... like mid twenties young. Wasn't that a bit young for my thirty six year old mother?

As I dubiously pondered my mothers cougar status, I suddenly realized Phil had company. They we're sitting patiently at the table behind him. A handsome man with blonde hair and a classic profile sat next to a beautiful lady with caramel colored hair and big hazel eyes. They both wore gentle smiles and curious stares. Beside them was a tiny girl with a diseray of spiky black hair and dark glittering eyes. For some reason she looked so hopeful. I couldn't understand the expression.

She was bouncing in her seat, beaming up at me expectantly. I smiled shyly back, not knowing what to say. Her black eyes lit up and before I could even say hello she was on her feet, running at me. Her smile was simply radient. I couldn't help but smile bemusedly at her.

"Bella!" she exclaimed, hugging me like an old friend. "I'm so glad to finally meet you!"

"Err, yeah. Nice to meet you...?"

"Alice," she said, pulling back.

"Alice," I repeated.

She bounced in place, too excited to stand still. I couldn't help myself. I bounced with her, laughing. How odd.

"Can she come home with us, mom?" She turned to the soft looking lady. "Maybe she could spend the night?" What? I just got here!

"Let her get settled in before you drag her off," she chuckled. "Im sure Renee would like some time with her. Beisdes, the poor dear looks exauhsted."

"I am," I said, smiling gratefuly at the kind lady.

Alice beamed, flat out refusing to be side tracked. "Then maybe we can take her on the boat tomorrow? Jasper said they planned on going out!" The lady nodded, grinning at her daughters enthusiasm.

Alice was suddenly seriously, taking my hands in hers and looking directly in my tired eyes. "Do you like shopping Bella? There's like, dozen's of mall's and cool shops around here. I bet Rose would..."

"Alice, honey," the handsome blonde haired man said, holding up his hands. "Let her breathe. Ask her if there's anything she may want to do." Alice bit her bottom lip, feeling bad.

"I don't know if I like to shop," I answered truthfully. "Forks doesn't exactly offer too many selections. There's not much of a choice at Newtons camping Outlet. Unless you're a hiker and like thermal or flannel." I waved my hand across my torso, embarassed by my boyish attire. But it was all I had.

Alice scrunched her nose in dissaproval. "Well, we have to rectify that while your here," she said eyeing my mud stained boots with confusion. "Besides, you need a gown for the wedding, right?"

"Oh crap!" I forgot. _Duh, Bella. Were you expecting to wear your best flannel and corderoy's to the ceremony? Moron._

"Then it's settled," she hugged me again. I wrapped my arms around her thin frame, thinking that all this invasion of personal space was going to take some getting used to. "Tomorrow we'll go to Brandon's," she continued, pulling back. "It's an awsome dress shop in Phoenix. You'll love it. And after, all six of us can spend the day on the lake." I nodded in consent, it actually sounded like fun! She clapped and bounced, pleased with my enthusiasm.

_Fun...what the hell was that?_

Renee and Charlie floated back into the kitchen, both talking in low polite tones. I knew this was difficult for them but they we're acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary. How could they do that? There was eleven years of seperation between the three of us. Looking around at everyone it was like a before and after shot of Renee's families. The Swans versus the Dwyers. From the looks of it, I'd have to say The Dwyers looked younger and more adventerous compared to the reserved backwood Swans. It was surreal how different we we're. How different my mother had become.

The couple at the table stood up and walked over to Charlie and I. It was the first time I noticed their refined manor and expensive ironed clothes. I was intimidated. The blonde man shook Charlie's hand firmly. I noticed the skin of his hand was smooth next to my father's weather beaten one. Charlie looked like he dissaproved of the girly skin, too.

"Im Dr. Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife Esme." _Oooooh_, he was a doctor. I guess that explains it.

"The pixie there, " he nodded in Alices' direction. "is our daughter, Alice."

_Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Rose and... what did she call him again... oh right, Jasper. __Strange names. Maybe it was an Arizona thing._

"Charlie Swan. It's nice to meet you." He turned to Phil and shook his hand too. "Phil, goodluck this Saturday." _You're gonna need it,_ I mentally added.

Phil grinned and said, "I know this must be awkward Charlie but thankyou for letting Bella come for the summer. It means a lot to Renee."

He flushed slightly. "I couldn't keep Bella away if I tried. She's been talking about it for months." _Talking? More like fighting, dad. _They all looked at me and grinned.

"Really?" Renee had tears in her eyes again, like she couldn't believe I was actually here. Esme threw her arm over Renee's shoulder. I nodded up at my mother. We really were similar looking. Freaky thing, DNA.

"Well, I should head back to the hotel, sweetheart," Charlie grumbled. "I need to rest before I head back. Deputy Mark can only hold down the station for so long."

I hugged him, whether he wanted it or not. I was suddenly scared. I breathed in his scent to memorize. Old spice. Charlie had been my parent for so long that it felt like I was seven years old being dropped off at your unfamiliar aunt's house. I didn't know what to say or how to act. It was unfair to Renee, but I could tell I'd be hanging out with Alice and those bunch of kids all summer. I could relate to them some what, I couldn't with her. Some things cut too deep for them to heal in a few short months. But I would be polite and smile a lot for her sake. Like I said, acting wasn't outside of my realm.

"And while we're away on our honeymoon next week..." Renee blushed. "...Bella will be staying with the Cullens." She bit her lip and hastely added, "If that's fine with you?"

I could tell she had added that as an after thought. She understood that Charlie had more right than she to decide where I stayed.

"Of course." Charlie eyed Carlisle for a moment, sizing him up.

"I promise you Charlie," Carlisle said with the utmost sincerity. "She'll be safe with us. We have a house full of kids and food. What more do they need?"

I suddenly pictured a house full of over excited Alice's. Shit. I was gonna need Tylenol.

_"Bella!" _Alice squealed, making me flinch away_. "A week long sleepover!"_

"That sounds... _really fun." _I chuckled incredulously. She was infectious! In the good way.

Strange, I had an instant freind in this tiny girl who obviously had ADHD. Phil reached out excitedly and patted my shoulder, explaining some of the lakes activities. I was bombarded with laughter and welcoming company. My mother kept an firm arm around my middle and asked if I was hungry. Everywhere I looked I had someone talking at me.

I hadn't noticed my father standing awkwardly at the kitchen door, battling with himself to leave. There stood the woman he never really got over along with their daughter. It was a quiet glimpse of what life could have been... and neither of us spared him one glance.

He bowed his head and slipped away wordlessly.


	2. Chapter 2

Alice's POV

"She's pretty isn't she Mom," I said at the dinner table, thinking about Bella's big dark eyes and long thick hair. _O__h, so many possibilities!_

"Yes, dear, very pretty. A lot like Renee," she answered, stepping out of the kitchen. She set the piping hot casserole dish in the center of the table, taking her seat beside Carlisle.

Now, it was common knowledge that during the Cullen dinner experience, if someone as small as I tried to reach for the food first, my arm would be torn off in the process. I braced myself, counting; 3, 2, 1... Jasper reached for the spoon to scoop himself a plate of mac n cheese, but Emmett reacted by smacking his hand away. That of course earned a head slap from Jasper, and a predictable skirmish broke out. We watched in resigned horror as they tumbled to the floor, wrestling like fools. I sighed, grabbing myself some dinner... now that it was safe.

"Who's pretty?" Rose asked, buttering her bread as if nothing strange was happening.

"Bella. From next door," Esme answered, pouring herself a glass of milk.

"Who?" Rosalie blinked in confusion.

"Honestly!" Carlisle tossed his napkin roughly onto the table. _Uh-oh. _"I figured you had forgotten when none of you showed up at the Dwyers tonight. At least your sister remembered." He gestured towards me. I frowned. _Oh great, make me the goodie two shoes. _"If it weren't for Alice I would have had a difficult time explaining to Phil why my kid's don't care enough to meet Renee's girl!_"_

"Well, excuse me," Rose said defensively. "I was a bit preoccupied with graduation all last week. I must not have heard you." Dad managed to express his disappointment with a mere look. _Ouch._

It was one thing to make Carlisle mad, but a wholly other thing to cause him disappointment. Rose flushed, looking down at her lap. She understood it was a crummy way to repay the people who adopted you.

Sometimes the guilt I felt over my adoptive parent's selflessness nearly choked me.

When I was first brought to the Cullen's home, still a ward of the state, I was afraid of everyone and everything. You see, I was removed from my uncle James' home when Esme found me, traumatized and under-fed. Till this day, I still can't remember what happened to put me my under his care; but my instincts warned me from piecing it together. I know Carlisle and Esme knew the truth, but I never asked and they never offered. It was better that way.

When the Cullen's found me in an over crowded orphanage they filled my head with promises of a bright, safe, future. It took me a while to believe them, even after they presented me with a stable home life. And while I was reserved on the outside, I was bubbling with joy on the inside, because I found a best friend in a boy named Edward. He was already there when I came home with Esme; one of the Cullen boys. I soon learned he was adopted too and only a few months older than me. It made my transition easier, knowing I wasn't alone in my rocky beginnings. And while the other kid's we're out-going, rambunctious and boisterous, I found solace in Edward's gentle quiet. He never prodded me for information the way the others did. He would look at me and know that I simply needed time. He was right. As time marched on more of the protective layers I wrapped myself in began to slowly peel away, revealing just how excited I was about my new family. And because of Edwards acceptance and gentle guidance, I vowed to take care of him the way he took care of me.

But sadly over the last few years thing's began to change between us.

Once puberty hit around the age of twelve, Jasper began to pursue me in a way I found both confusing and enticing. Edward would argue with him to leave me the hell alone, getting into fights over it; he bore a lot of shiner's on my behalf. But one day I realized that Jasper's advances made me glow and giggle in a non-sisterly way. I examined him closer and found I was intrigued with his honey blond hair and smiling grey eyes. After the tension between Edward and Jasper came to a head, resulting in a busted lip and bruised knuckles, I begged Edward to leave him alone, that it was something he and I had to figure out on our own. I'll never forget the astonished look on Edwards face, the hurt in his green eyes while he nursed a bloody lip. He warily asked why. I shrugged and told him the truth; that I had feelings for Jasper that I didn't quite understand myself but needed to explore. We argued for the first time that day, about how wrong it was for us to form a relationship beyond sibling-hood. I tried to explain it rationally, asking him why a legal document should dictate what my heart feels. Jasper and I where sibling's through law, not blood. But In Edward's eye's, that meant very little. To me, it meant everything. Edward finally relented, saying he understood. But soon after, he began to close in on himself, shutting everyone out. Shutting _me _out.

Just as I was thinking of him Edward magically appeared. He strolled in the dining room with his hand's shoved deep in his khaki pockets, a sour expression on his face. I followed him with my eyes as he slid in between Esme and I. He pulled an empty plate toward himself and filled it with food I knew he wouldn't eat. He doesn't eat enough in my opinion. It was something I've complained to Carlisle about many times, begging him to do something, anything. But what could he do; force feed him?

Edward must have felt my eyes on him, because he shot me a side long glance. I smiled cautiously, trying to encourage him to speak to me. He stiffened and turned away, slamming a figurative door in my face. I sighed, looking back at my untouched plate. Why was he doing this to me? Was my falling in love with Jasper so terrible that I deserved to be treated like a pariah? His behavior hurt me more than he'll ever know.

The noise level from the boy's impromptu wrestling match had exploded at this point, distracting me. I looked down and weakly smiled at the homo-erotic position Jasper had Emmett in. I smothered a laugh when Emmett's brown eye's bugged out of his head, realizing this. If ever a man suffered homophobia it was Emmett.

Esme heaved an exasperated sigh and slammed her palm on the table.

"I have had just about enough!" she shouted. "If you both insist on acting like animals I can serve you in doggy bowls! Now get off that floor and sit down!"

"Sorry, mom," they mumbled at the same time, climbing into their chairs with mussed hair and red faces. Rose giggle at Emmett's disgruntled expression.

"I swear, you two," mom continued furiously, her fork jabbing violently into her salad. "You're both getting too old to be wrestling like that. Jasper, your going to be a doctor for goodness sake; behave with some dignity. And you, mister!" Emmett pointed at himself innocently. "Yes, you," she barked. "You may be leaving home for college, but never forget that I own your ass! Thus, I can kick it." They chuckled.

Mom pinched the bridge of her nose and muttered, "I'm sorry for interrupting, Carlisle. Go on, please."

He looked at each of us in turn, gaining our undivided attention. "Alice is bringing Bella over tomorrow. I expect to hear that you brought her on the boat and had a good time together. No one skips out. Understood?" Everyone grumbled in understanding. Except for me, of course. I was excited to get to know Bella. She was definitely friend material.

"I also don't want to hear that you teased her or made her the least bit uncomfortable." He looked hard at Emmett who grinned and popped his loaded fork in his mouth.

"Why would we tease her?" Rose asked. "Is she fat or something?"

"Rose!" Esme and I snapped at the same time.

"What?" She asked wide eyed and innocent.

"Bella Swan is not fat," mom chastised.

"Nor is she ugly for that matter," I added. I loved my sister but she could be a judgmental bitch sometimes. It was unfair of her. Especially since she was God's gift to men and girls like Bella and I were mere mortals.

Carlisle threw Esme a furtive glance, clearly thinking along the same lines I was. It was painfully obvious that Bella was uncomfortable in her own skin. Leaving Bella alone and unprotected around someone like Rosalie Hale was like throwing her to the wolves.

"Because," Esme continued, still eyeing Carlisle. "Bella comes from a different part of the country. She... she may experience some culture shock." Mom nodded to herself, pleased with her evasiveness. "That's something you guys can help her with."

"Definitely," Carlisle agreed. "She'll need friends while she's here. Help her adjust."

"Oh, come on," Edward whined. We all looked at him sharply. It wasn't often Edward joined in our conversation. Usually he ghosted on the edge of the family.

He leaned forward, animated in his chagrin. "Just because the Dwyers are your friends doesn't mean we have to be."

My siblings looked at Carlisle, clearly agreeing with Edward. "Son, please," he implored with his blue eyes. "Bella's new around here and needs someone to show her the ropes. She has to be lonely and afraid." Carlisle sighed, beseeching his defiant son. "Surely you can remember how that feels?"

We all looked away, feeling the effects of dads words. Yeah, we did remember how it felt to be an outcast, a freak from a different state. I came from Biloxi, Jazz and Rose from Austen, Emmett from Boston and Edward from Chicago. We we're as different as five people could be...yet here we are.

Mom patted Edwards leg encouragingly. "I'm sure you'll like Bella very much, dear. She seems like a sweet girl." Edward quirked an eyebrow. His face clearly read, _fat chance_.

He leaned back in his seat, looking resigned. "But what if we have plans?" he asked as a last ditch effort.

Emmett leaned forward in mock interest and said, "What could _you _possibly have plans for, hmm?"

Edward flushed and muttered, "None of your damn business."

Jasper laughed omminously. "Edward has a date with his girlfriend... _the piano."_

Em snorted into his plate. "I know, right. Those two have been together longer than Rosie and I."

"I wonder when they'll announce their engagement?" Jazz mused, staring into Edwards furious green eyes.

Sometimes those two could be major assholes.

Edwards single status was a sensitive topic and they knew it. Especially since he flat out refused the girls who drooled over him at school. His fangirls, I called them. Rose thought he was gay but I knew better. I just didn't understand. He was handsome, smart, athletic and talented. Totally shag worthy. So what in the hell was he was holding out for?

I jumped when Edward shoved his plate forcefully across the table, skidding toward a surprised Rosalie. She squeaked when it spilled over onto her plate: his pea's mingling with her carrots.

"What the hell?" Rose shrieked, shoving both their plates aside with a disgusted sneer.

Emmett and Jasper lost it, falling over their plates, laughing like hyenas. _Idiots._

"That's enough!" Carlisle gave Edward a disapproving glare for his childish behavior. Edwards green eyes frosted over, opting to stare longingly at the front door, like he wanted to leave more than anything else in the world. I could practically feel the steel walls woosh as they fell protectively around him. And just like that... he was closed off.

I glared at Jasper who chose to ignore me. Emmett was eating off of Rose's discarded plate, chuckling here and there. Mom and dad stared moodily at each other, exhaustion evident in their posture while I stole glances at Edward.

Tension was mushrooming around us in an uncomfortable cloud. I needed to quickly distract everyone by controlling this disastrous dinner. I thought for a moment until it came to me.

"Rosalie?" I yellped a little too enthusiastically. Everyone's attention snapped to my odd display. Everyone but Edward that is. "I was hoping you would give Bella and I a ride to Brandon's tomorrow morning. She needs a dress for the wedding. Please, please, pretty _puh-lease _say yes_._" I gave her my best cow eyes, batting my dark lashes pathetically.

"Shopping!" she declared, raising her fork in the air. "Darn skippy I will."

I smiled brightly at my partner in crime. "Great! A little retail therapy is just what Bella needs."

Rose looked at me knowingly. "And you'll sacrifice your precious time for said cause, correct?"

"Darn skippy I will," I mimicked. She chuckled, tucking a blond strand behind her ear.

I sweeped the table with a quick glance. Everyone seemed marginally more relaxed. Good. Mom and dad we're talking quietly amongst themselves. Emmett was regaling Jasper with his latest football game, and Edward looked shifty. I knew the look well. He was trying to think of an excuse for his non existent appetite. I sighed. He had to be hungry. I felt so useless concerning him. I wished I had a brilliant plan for my brother as I did for Bella. His problems run deeper than retail therapy.

My plan was simple and straight forward concerning her.

I was Batman and Rosalie was Robin. We were going to help poor damsel, Bella, who was clearly in distress. I saw her ill fitted clothes, her flat hair, her slumped shoulders, her sad pale face, her atroshis foot wear. I was in tune to people and rarely was I wrong with my assumptions. This girl needed self confidence and some sun. Female bonding was in our near future.

_Holy makeover Batman! _

Bella's POV

I was tucked into my new bed, curled into the thick Burgundy duvet. I was insanely comfortable. This must have been one of those expensive memory foam mattresses only rich people can afford. My spine was wondering where the pesky springs have gone. And these sheets we're soft against my skin, smelling of fabric softener and clean linen. It was like sleeping on a perfumed cloud.

I briefly wondered before I slipped into a coma if Renee assigned me to the wrong room. It all seemed so unnecessarily fancy for someone who didn't mean that much to her. Thinking of my mother made me fall asleep with a grimace on my face.

I wasn't sure I showed her the proper enthusiasm tonight. There was no manuel for how I should behave toward an absentee parent.

My shower hadn't lasted long after dinner and I wasn't up for much after traveling for three days in a cramped truck that smelled like mud and fish. I told Renee I was exhausted and needed recovery sleep. Ignoring my subtle plea for space, she helped me unpack, shadowing my every step. I sighed, trying to match her enthusiasm with chatter about my life in Forks. _That was a short conversation_. She took notice of my piddly wardrobe and was quite for a moment before she casually offered me the use of her closet. I refused at first, but she pointed out that tomorrow would be in the upper nineties and I would die of heat stroke if I wore anything I brought. I gave in and agreed to her immense pleasure. _Whatever made her happy, right?_

It felt like five minutes had passed when a soft knock on my door woke me.

I rolled over and grumbled, "I'll make breakfast in a minute, dad. Impatient, much?"

I heard a snicker near my ear. "Wake up, Isabella. Alice will be here in a half an hour."

_Alice? Who the hell is Alice? And what was that bright orb in the window? __Did I leave my reading lamp on last night? And why wasn't I shivering from cold?_

I blinked into the streaming sunlight, following the dust motes that swirled past my nose.

"What time is it?" I croaked, disoriented.

"Eight in the morning. Now come on. Breakfast is getting cold." I peeked up at my mother's similar face and gasped, yesterdays events flooding my sleep fogged brain. She chuckled and walked out of my room, shaking her head.

I grouched and grumbled my way to the bright kitchen; a nasty habit I picked up from Charlie. Renee slapped a pancake on my plate; I reluctantly sniffed it. It looked and smelled burnt. I searched for anything to distract her while I _didn't _eat the blacken flapjack.

"Where's Phil?"

"At practice," She sighed, chewing nervously on a fingernail. Her hazel eyes kept darting toward the kitchen island where the phone sat. After a moment her casual facade broke into an excited smile. "Oh, Bella. The Diamondback talent scout contacted Phil's agent last week and asked him to come to the stadium at eight sharp today! Oh, honey, this could be his big break!"

"Mom, that's wonderful news." I stood up and hugged her.

"Can you imagine, if Phil gets signed, we'll be settled for money and, if you like, you could move in. Maybe finish your senior year in Arizona?"

"_What_?" My mouth dropped open in shock. She looked so hopeful.

I stared incredulously for a mindless moment. I couldn't wrap my head around this woman. She was so different from Charlie. I was starting to see why their marriage didn't last. Charlie thought things through at a snails pace. Forever the procrastinator. Renee, on the other hand, flung shit at you like a monkey in the zoo; no warning whatsoever. I didn't know how to handle it and now I'm forced to think of a way to politely tell her; no thankyou, that I would never find her house a home.

I sighed. Why did she spring this on me while I was half asleep eating her damned burnt pancakes? My stomach was churning, tightning and curling. The very thought of leaving Charlie _alone _in Forks was inconceivable. Who would pay the bills? Take care of the house? Who would make sure my dad ate something other than fried foods? He needed me. I stared into her innocent hazel eyes, wondering; _how could she expect me to leave him like she did? _

"Mom... I don't know. That's a _huge _decision to make off the cuff. I just... don't know." I couldn't even finish a coherent sentence.

"It was just an open invitation, Bella," she smiled easily, patting my limp hand. She noticed my untouched pancake. "Eat. You're going to be out all day with the Cullens and Hales."

_And just like that, we're onto another subject_. I felt queasy. I needed a freakin' Dramamine.

"Hales?" I asked weakly.

"Mhmm," she nodded. "The Cullens and Hales are our neighbors." She pointed out the sliding glass door. I looked over my shoulder and found a tall brown fence in the back yard. I couldn't see beyond the thick trees and overgrown brush. The lake was barely visible through it. I frowned. It wasn't the beach mecca I had hoped for.

She bit her lip, eye's narrowing in contemplation. _What now?_"I guess Esme wouldn't mind you knowing. It's rather obvious after you meet them... Oh well," she giggled. "Esme found out that she couldn't have children after a year into her and Carlisle's marriage. So they adopted five foster kids. Alice and Edward Cullen are seventeen. Emmett Cullen, Jasper and Rosalie Hale are eighteen. Carlisle and Esme have been their parents for most of their lives."

I persed my lips, wondering if Esme _would_mind very much if I knew that personal piece of information. My mother wasn't exactly known for her good judgment. So I chose the most trivial topic to speak on. "If their all adopted why do the Hales still have their original sur-name?"

Renee grinned to herself. "Esme said it's important for them to remember their biological heritage; where they came from so to speak. So she and Carlisle gave them the choice to keep their biological names. Most of them chose Cullen... except for the Hale's." Her private grin turned into a chuckle. "Carlisle said he thinks it's southern pride because the Hales come from Texas originally."

I snickered. I can see those nice people I met last night giving a bunch of abandoned children a fresh start. They seemed like the type. And now that I thought of it, Alice didn't look a thing like either of them. A wave of wistfulness came over me, imagining having parent's like that. I sighed. If I where adopted by them I'd change my last name in a heart beat. Isabella Marie Cullen had a certain ring to it.

Then a darker, more realistic, thought occurred to me. Every source I have ever read or heard said that the United States foster care system sucked, that it was a bottomless pit to toss throw-away children in. I shuddered, thinking of sweet Alice in an crowded group home, having no family at all. I frowned. It made my problems pale in comparison.

"Those poor kids," I breathed, touching my heart. "_Poor Alice." _

Renee snickered to my amazement. _She was so weird_. "Did Alice look unhappy to you?"

"Oh." I blinked rapidly. I didn't think about that. "She was a bit crazy with energy, wasn't she."

"That girl _is _the energizer bunny!" We laughed, our voices bouncing off the high ceilings. "I hope you like them, though. I've always thought of them as nieces and nephews. Their all well mannered happy kids. They want for nothing." I nodded, wishing for the same thing. It would be nice to make friends for the summer.

Thinking of friends made me think of mine back home. Jacob and Seth, Sam, Embry and Quil. Mike, Angela and Ben. I sighed, missing them tremendously. I promised myself as I helped mom with the dishes that I would text them later; let them know I'm okay. Jake made me swear to call every day. I smiled, thinking about my best friend.

Twenty minutes later I was lotioning my legs and arms with sunblock. It was a rather unpleasant task. I wanted to slather on tanning oil but mum argued that my light complexion would leave me burnt, that tans should come on gradually, not in one afternoon. I took her advice reluctantly, seeing that she had warm golden skin and knew what she was talking about.

I noticed Renee's closet was full of sundresses, carpi's, shorts, and silky camisoles. It was all very... _girly_. I gulped, hearing Charlie in my memory warn me against such things._ Those frilly clothes may look nice, Bells, but they wont protect you against the elements. "_Well, Dad..." I sighed, running my fingers over the smooth texture of rayon. "I'm in the proper climate now." His disapproving image dissolved from my mind, leaving me free to sift through Renee's things. I felt like a kid going through her mothers makeup bag.

I yanked a sleeveless white sundress off it's hanger. I held it up to inspect with a critical eye. The short floaty fabric was a bit over the top, but what the hell... it was hot out today and I definitely didn't want to sweat like a pig in front of strangers. Nothing turns people off faster than B.O., and I definitely didn't want to be known as the stinky chick from next door.

I rummaged around in a cardboard box in the back of the dark closet, extracting old flip flops. I was relieved as I slipped on the used sandals, feeling her toe indentations beneath mine. Turning my feet back and forth, wiggling my bare toes around, I scowled at how unkempt they looked. I mean, my toenails weren't narly or anything, but they looked, I don't know... naked I suppose. I bet girls around here got Mani/Pedi's. I had a hard time seeing myself with blood red toe nails and groomed cuticles. Why get gussied up if your going to hide it beneath gloves and woolen socks?

I was so far outside of of my comfort zone I may as well have landed on Mars.

I hardly recognized myself in the full length mirror when I dared to peek. I've worn dresses before, of course, but something looked foreign about my ensamble. I pulled my long hair into a ponytail, staring at myself, as if seeing myself for the first time. I blushed at the amount of pale translucent skin on display. I was in Arizona on a near hundred degree day and I was paler then a fricken ghost. _Embarrassing_. My big brown eyes fell until they landed on my collar bones and naked shoulders._ Sheesh,_ I felt like I was wearing my underwear. You could actually tell I'm a female through these clothes, see the swell of my breasts through the light fabric_. _

I decided Charlie would choke on his tongue if he saw me leave the house in this. I'd have to disable any ones camera if they recorded the evidence. Nothing gives the chief a corinary faster than his teenage daughter flaunting what god gave her. I suppose if I were a boy his life would be simpler. Football and cars he understood, not lacy underwear and tampons.

_Sheesh, Bella, you're not a prude. You've been in dresses before for christ sake._I sighed, resigned at my fate. The sun meant less clothing and more skin. Lot's more skin. I gulped, closing moms closet and strode from her room feeling nervous and self conscious. I just wasn't used to being so exposed. Where was the squeak of my wellington boots? The swish of corduroy between my thighs? The crinkle of my heavy green parka?

Yep, I was naked.

Alices POV

"I'm going to get Bella! I'll be right back!"

"Be back in ten," Rose answered under a hairdryer. "Im almost ready!"

I paused at the foot of the stairs, noticed Edward sitting at his piano with a pencil and paper. Ah, he was composing. Or at least trying to. He glared at me for interrupting his process and slammed his elbows on the keys to emphasize his pissy mood. I took off out the door, not wanting to catch the tail end of his fit. _Moody bastard._

I trotted through the fences connecting door, whistling the stress away. His issues would not ruin my good mood. Today was going to be _so _much fun! I could feel my excitement bubbling to the surface as I reached the Dwyers sliding glass door. Bella was just behind it with a shy smile, twisting her sun dress between her pale fingers. _I knew it! _Beneath the lumber-jack get up was a beautiful girl, a diamond in the rough.

_"Look at you!" _I crowed when she slid the door aside.

"I know," she said embarrassed, trying to cover her chest with her arms. "My skin is so pale."

"No, you misunderstand. I meant that you look beautiful, Bella." She scrunched her nose, disbelieving. Just as I suspected. She's reluctant to believe anyone would find her attractive. This girl needs a man, stat.

I smiled confidently. "This summer is going to be great. You'll see."

She smiled back hopefully. "I hope you're right, Alice."

"I am." I took her hand and squeezed it, showing her confidence in my promise. She looked wary, unsure. I needed her to believe me. I wouldn't let her down. Not like I did Edward. "It's going to be fine, Bella. Friends don't let each other down."

She stared at me, as if trying to muster beliefe in my promise. I could see that she wanted to. I stared back, relaying that it was okay to trust me. She nodded back, understanding my motives.

"Friends," she concluded.

We smiled at each other, and just like that we we're friends.

When I felt my point was sufficiently made I nodded and turned on my heels.

Trust. It was what Bella needed to learn. But I needed to earn it first, and I was excited to prove my worth as her first friend in Arizona.

When we passed through the fence into my yard I felt a strong nudge of intuition. This shy, reluctant, girl beside me was meant to be here. I felt like I was leading her home, were she belonged. She was lost for reasons I had yet to learn. But here, with me and my family... she would find her place in the world.

Bella's POV

I followed Alice obediently, admiring her light green sundress against her tanned skin. I smiled. She looked so much like Tinker Bell with her black pixie cut and tiny ballet slippers. I wouldn't have been surprised if she omitted pixie dust when she waved her hands about. There was a magical quality about her, a certain something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

When she told me it was going to be okay and that she was my friend it was almost as if she were able to read my soul, see right through my outward facade and peer at the cowering girl within. It was unnerving but also refreshing. There would be no bullshitting with Alice, and for that, I was grateful. Not having to fake my way through a friendship was going to be liberating.

I slipped through the gap in the brown fence that separated our yards and staggered back. My wide eyes landed a soft white Victorian house with a wrap around porch. The home was cocooned in cherry blossom tree's and tall pines. It was other worldly; a story book setting. I scanned the immaculate landscape surrounding it. A gazebo was perched in the center of the lush green yard. It was covered in white twinkle lights and green ivy. A busy bird bath was perched amidst a colorful garden of flowers and vegetables, Monarch butterflies fluttering about the high grass.

_Un-freaking-real..._

I stumbled along a well worn path beside Alice, outright gawking. I nearly pinched myself, wondering if I was still asleep. I had to be. I was strolling along with Tinker Bell in the midst of a secret garden. Was this Never land? Where we're the lost boys? And just to confirm my suspicions, to my right, was a clear blue lake of pure beauty. The sun refracted off the surface like millions of tiny diamonds. A long sun bleached dock reached out far enough to house a speedboat and two jet ski's, connecting to the Cullens property.

This was absolutely surreal.

"Your home is so _beautiful_, Alice," I said, walking up the deep wrap around porch, eyeing the porch swing.

She smiled, snickering. "Thank you. It is beautiful, isn't it."

Before Alice swung open the front door I heard the sweet chords of a piano drift methodically through the open windows. I recognized the song immediately. It was a classic. My favorite. And some genius was playing it effortlessly. I could tell it was a live performance and not a recording. I was a dancer. I could tell the difference.

_"_Wait, Alice!" I yanked on her arm. "Who's playing the... _Wow!" _I breathed, becoming side tracked once Alice pulled me in doors. Apparently the side-effects of sun exposure was ADD. For all I knew the piano could have simply been part of the house itself, the ambiance of perfection.

The inside was open and airy. It looked to be renovated, like several rooms were knocked down to create one gigantic open floor. The whole left side of the angled house was one continuous window instead of a wall. You could see for miles! The second floor was lined with satiny looking mahogany railings connected to a grand staircase to the far end of the living room. Expensive looking oil paintings lined the walls all around, each one adorned with it's own lamp. It was very sheik. Very intimidating.

A long white sectional couch wrapped around a magnificent media wall; plasma tv, Blue Ray, an expensive looking stereo and game console, which some one was currently playing. I couldn't see their face because they were lying flat on the couch except for a gigantic sneakered foot perched upon the arm. The paddle was being jerked about by two shovel sized hands.

Alice watched me carefully, pleased with my reaction so far.

"Shit _shit _SHIT!" A booming voice cursed from the couch. The warrior on the flat screen got blasted into a moving tank. _"I hate this game!" _He threw the paddle with force across the room.

"Would you please _shut up _Emmett!" shouted a voice from a room I couldn't see.

I came out of my awe struck reverie and listened once again as the piano player picked up where he had left off. _Clair De Lune_. It was peaceful, calming... opposite of the frustrated musician who just bellowed. He played it with such skill and finesse... _he was absolutely brilliant!_

_"Emmett!" _Alice scolded, unaware of my wavering attention. "Please don't cuss in front of our guest."

"Guest?"

The unexpected deep voice wasn't anything compared to the shock I felt when I saw the hulking, six foot seven inch man, with muscles the size of my head, stand up from the couch and cross the room in less then three strides. I must have looked like a startled raccoon about to be mowed down by a Hummer.

"You must be Bella." He pulled me into a crushing hug, his arms easily wrapping around my torso. I clutched his tight t-shirt, gasping in shock.

"It's nice to meet you." My voice was muffled somewhere in his broad chest. His deep laugh vibrated my entire skeleton. I was dropped back to the floor. He ran his hand through his dark curly hair, examining me with interest.

"Bella, this is Emmett; my big brother." Alice waved between us. "Emmett, this is Bella; my friend, and your neighbor."

"No. She's my freind too, Alice," he smirked down at me. I couldn't help but smile back at his dimples and innocent brown eyes. He had a joyful face.

He tapped my nose and said, "You have any trouble with boys around here, you come to me. Okay?"

"Okay." I blushed. "Not that I plan on getting into trouble."

"Too bad." His smile turned wicked. I blushed an even deeper red to his delight. He chuckled, enjoying how easily manipulated I could be.

The piano continued to float through out the house in gentle notes and scales. But to my disappointment it kept stuttering. I heard a huff and the keys bang. We all jumped.

"Whose frustrated?" I whispered.

"Edward," Emmett and Alice answered together, wary eyes flickering toward the room beyond the staircase. I took in their expressions, thinking how out of place those scowls looked on their otherwise joyous faces.

I don't know what made me do it but my feet followed the sound around the corner, like a fish line pulling me from the lakes depth. I was compelled by his song. There was such sorrow in the tenor of the melody. The sadness didn't belong here either. It was a sweet love song, not a lament. What was going on here? This house may be story book beautiful but it obviously held a dark secret. What was the clushe`? Never judge a book by it's cover.

I had no idea what to expect when I traced the music around a hidden corner. The Phantom of the opera sprang to mind.

The black, glossy, baby grand piano, was exquisite! It was something you'd find at Carnegie Hall, not here, in a dimly lit room being played by a moody teenager. I reached out and stroked it's lacquered body reverently. The sound of the piano strings singing at the musicians command made my body react instinctively. My back straightened and I moved a little more gracefully, my feet curving to step lithely with his rhythm. I'd taken ballet since I was three. Music was just as much in my blood as a musicians. Listening for a few more scales I decided this Edward had to be in a youth orchestra program or something along those lines. This kind of smooth percussion came at a cost; personal and financial. God only knows how many hours he practiced instead of played as a child. Well, whoever this boy is I was in awe of him. His fingers had truly been caressed by God himself.

A frustrated sigh escaped his lips and pulled his hands away from the piano. The abruptness jolted me out of my reverie.

"No, don't stop playing," I said to the bent bronze head and hunched shoulders. "Clair De Lune, right?"

His head snapped up... and my world spun on it's axis.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys. I know it's been a long time since I wrote anything, and for that I apologize. But this story has stuck with me, and I already have 14 chapters written, so there's no danger of me falling off the radar again. lol. And as usual, I do not own these characters in any way, shape, or form.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

**EPOV **

**(6 years old, Chicago)**

_I looked up from the television when I heard the glass door hiss open. I immediately started coughing with excitement. He's come back! The nice man with bright yellow hair and smiley blue eyes. Today he was wearing green scrubs, white Nike's, a stethoscope around his neck, and a baseball cap. I practically jumped out of the hospital bed at the sight of him. _

_He remembered! _

_A week ago he told me that if my team, the Chicago Cubs, won their next game he'd buy me an official team hat. And guess what? They beat the Yankee's, 5 to 3!  
_

_With a flourish he removed the hat and held it out to me, smiling ruefully. "I suppose I owe you a hat, young man."_

_ I grabbed it greedily, feeling the first smile tug my cracked lips in a week. "Thank you!"  
_

_"You're very welcome," he chuckled.  
_

_As I turned the hat over in my hands, inspecting it thoroughly, he read my charts and checked my vitals. His fingers we're cool against my fevered skin, but I was too preoccupied with my prize to notice his smile slowly slip away. _

_"How are we feeling today, Edward?" he asked, suddenly serious. I peeked up at the change in his tone. His forehead was creased with worry lines and his eyes appeared clouded in thought. _

_"I can't... *cough*... stop coughing." I gasped and sputtered my answer the best I could, but my chest felt painfully tight, and with every hacking cough my head spun. No matter how hard I tried to control it it only got worse, like trying to stop yourself mid-sneeze. It was impossible. _

_"Edward?" Dr Cullen bent over me in concern. " It'll be okay. Just take slow, deep breaths." He slapped me hard on the back in quick sharp blows. But it didn't help. Nothing helped. I couldn't breathe! _

_"LORAINE!" He hollered for the head nurse, but no one answered.  
_

_I took in a great, shuddering, breaths, trying to stop the fit once and for all. But a nasty thick substance rushed up my esophagus, blocking my airway. I gurgled in surprise, then something raw and painful shredded my throat. Blood. It sprayed the front of my blue hospital gown like an aerosol can. _

_Oh God! Help me, my blind eyes begged him. I can't breathe! _

_Dr. Cullen threw aside his clip board and yanked me into an upright position. "LORAINE! CODE RED! NOW!" _

_He jammed his finger down my throat removing the bloody mucus that blocked my airway, then proceeded to shove a funny smelling mask over my mouth and nose. Precious air flooded down my torn throat, burning and stinging with every ragged gasp I took._

_breathe..._

_breathe...  
_

_In and out..._

_In and out...  
_

_It took a few minutes to relax and allow the machine to breathe for me, but eventually I went limp in his arms, blinking sleepily at the tiled ceiling, forgetting all about my new hat. All I could think about was taking in big gulps of air. And slowly, so slowly, my heart rate returned to normal.__  
_

_"That's better, Edward," Dr. Cullen panted, looking worse for wear. "Just concentrate on breathing while I find the nurse." I would nod, but I had absolutely no strength left, so I just blinked. His answering smile was shaky but relieved. _

_I watched him rush around the room making angry phone calls and typing frantically on the computer. He seemed to be controlling his temper. His face is a blotchy red and lips pressed tightly together. Wow, I've never seen him mad before. _

_A few minutes later he returned to my side with a wet clothe and a clean gown, looking considerably calmer. He changed my soiled clothes and tucked me under the warm covers. I stared, exhausted, as he cooed soft reassurances. "I know that was scary, Edward. But you pulled through like a trooper. You're so brave." _

_I suppose it would be comforting if I wasn't in so much pain. My entire body ached and I was shivering violently against the fever coursing through my small body. Not to mention my throat felt as if acid were poured down it. _

_I felt so much worse than yesterday.  
_

_"Where's mommy?" I rasped painfully.  
_

_The doctors expression turned bleak for a split second. It was quick, but I saw it... something was very wrong. His reaction sent my fevered brain into a tail spin. _

_I haven't seen my mother since the ambulance came to get us three days ago. They loaded me into the rig first, then mommy, both of us so sick the E.M.T's rushed us through midday traffic with the sirens blazing. We rode side by side and held hands while she murmured that is was going to be okay. But it wasn't. I felt far from okay. _

_Where is she?  
_

_I tried to remove the mask from my mouth so I could speak, but he shook his head no, replacing the annoying mask back in place. "No talking yet, Edward. You need the oxygen."_

_My concern for her was enough that he could read it in my bloodshot eyes; where is she? He made a face at my tenacity but remained stubbornly silent, focusing on the monitors I was hooked up to.  
_

_I wanted to be mad at him and cry! I was irritable and sick! Sick of being in this hospital! Sick of being sick! Sick of being told what to do when all I want is mommy! But as horrible as I felt I wouldn't let myself cry. Daddy says crying is for babies and I'm not a baby. I'm six; a big boy.  
_

_My frown deepened at the thought of him. Daddy was missing, too. How long has it been since I saw him? A month? Two months? He never returned from South America, though his luggage did. I know because I peeked through the bedroom door and found mommy clutching his worn leather jacket and crying. His suitcase was open next to her on the bed along with an official looking letter. The next day my daddy's friends from the University showed up making mommy cry all over again.  
_

_Dr. Cullen sat down beside me, the bed frame groaning beneath his added weight. "I suppose you deserve to know the truth," he sighed, smoothing a few stray locks from my sweaty forehead. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Edward, but your mother and father..." He swallowed hard, his Adams apple bobbing from the action. "... well, they both passed away from a viral strain your dad contracted in South America. Somehow the virus traveled back to Chicago with his belongings. That's why your quarantined to this room. You have the same virus. But I swear, son, I will make you better!"  
_

_I frowned, not understanding. "Passed away?" I wheezed, my breath fogging up the mask. "Where did they pass away to?"_

_He took a deep breath, reading my frustrated expression. "They passed away to Heaven." _

_Though I've never heard of this Heaven and had no concept of what 'passed away' meant it gave me a tiny glimmer of hope. Dr Cullen knows where she is! "Can you go get my mommy in Heaven and tell her I'm sick?"_

_"Edward, I don't think you understand. Heaven is a place people go when they die."  
_

_"Please?" I begged, my green eyes swimming with tears. "I'm scared."  
_

_The nice man slumped forward and moaned into his hands. "Edward, please. You're breaking my heart." _

_Just then the big glass door slid aside, a great hissing sound releasing into the airtight room. I glanced over, exhausted and confused. A plump, African- American, nurse who wore Spongebob scrubs was back with a syringe full of pink medicine and a cup of water. _

_"I'm sorry, Dr Cullen," Nurse Loraine apologized. "I was in room 432, changing sheets. The Jenkins kid vomited all over the place."_

_"We are so under staffed," he hissed angrily, picking up my chart and handing it to her. "I want someone watching over Edward, here, 24/7." She looked like she was about to argue, but Dr Cullen dragged her over to the computer and silently gestured to the glowing screen. She bent forward and read something, then gasped, eyes wide and horrified._

_"Oh my!" She covered her mouth with her hand, her horrofied eyes sliding to mine. "I'll call Jane and see if she can find anyone up for overtime."_

_Dr Cullen patted her arm. "Thanks Loraine." _

_I lost interest and turned away, sick of their pity. That's when I noticed I had an audience outside the glass door. A pretty lady with caramel colored hair and big hazel eyes smiled at me. Who is she, I wondered. This was the second time she's come to see me. Her three kids, all my age, peered at me warily, each eying the bloody evidence all around me. Normally I would have been happy to see other kids, but I just learned my mommy and daddy left for Heaven without me. It made my heart hurt and eyes swim with tears. Didn't they love me anymore? I closed my eyes and curled in on myself, coughing and quietly crying. Was Heaven far from Chicago? Would the lady in the window help me find my mommy? _

_My questions had to wait because the latest coughing fit struck without warning, shredding my torn wind pipe into raw hamburger. I gagged and wretched, rolling from side to side while choking on the desperate cries for my lost mother. _

_Dr Cullen began to shout, barking out orders. A swarm of activity blurred all around me. He listened to my galloping heartbeat with his cold stethoscope and placed it over my sunken chest. _

_"I need a scalpel, now! His lung has collapsed!" He cried. A light flashed in my rolling eyes. "Edward, can you hear me?" I couldn't answer. My chest was so heavy. I had no air. "Hurry, he's going into shock!"  
_

_Airless and suffocating, my senses began to dim, distorting Dr Cullen's fierce face into nothing more than black sparkles. I unexpectedly felt a pinching sensation at the hollow of my neck, then a sharp stab of pain in my left side. Warm liquid ran down the side of my belly and neck. Blood. They had inscerted a tube in my throat and lung. _

_"His blood pressures falling, Dr. Cullen," Nurse Loraine warned._

_"No!" he cried. "You stay with me, Edward! I mean it, dammit!"  
_

_As he worked furiously over my limp body something caught my waning attention. Something or someone was haloed in a warm golden light just beyond the foot of my bed. _

_My glassy eyes grew wide with wonder when the image came into view. _

_"Mommy?" I gargled through the incision in my throat._

_"Put him under!" someone shrieked. They didn't know I couldn't feel anything anymore. I was already fading.  
_

_My mother laughed and held out her glowing arms. 'Come to mommy, Edward. I'm here to take you home with me.'_

_'Is home in Heaven now?' I asked curiously, fully submersed in the golden glow. It was so warm.  
_

_She nodded happily. 'Come now. Daddy's waiting for us.' _

_'Daddy's there, too?' I squealed excitedly._

_'Yes,' she chuckled. 'Hurry now. We don't have much time.'  
_

_I wanted nothing more than to run into her arms and have her pick me up, but something seemed to bind me to this sickly body. Someone kept shouting my name in the distance, ordering me to stay. They pushed my chest up and down while my tiny ribs snapped one by one... yet I felt no pain. _

_I just floated in this golden nothingness, delighting in the relief from pain, while mommy encouraging me to join her, urging me to hurry. And inch by inch I succeeded. I was so close I could brush my outstretched fingertips to hers, feeling a zing of joy... but those ghostly chains and distant voices insisted I stay. _

_I was confused. Do I stay or do I go?_

_My mother looked over her shoulder into the bright light and said something. When she turned back around her elated expression turned grim. _

_'Dying is so hard,' she said miserably, watching me struggle to get free. 'But living is harder.' _

_She turned to gaze at the hysterical lady outside of my room, clutching her children to her chest so they couldn't watch me die. She was mouthing my name over and over, tears streaming down her tragic face. _

_'She's a wonderful lady, Edward. Good and kind.' Mommy nodded to herself, looking contemplative. 'Yes, you stay with her. She'll take good care of you while I'm away.' _

_'No! I want to go home with you!'  
_

_She looked at me wistfully, pain evident in her bright green eyes. 'Stay, sweetheart. Live your life. I'm told it's not your time.'_

_'No!' I cried in alarm, thrusting my arms out to her. 'Help me!' _

_'I'm sorry, sweetheart. Times up." _

_Her golden light flickered like a dying light bulb and she disappeared, leaving me behind with nothing but a broken body... and a broken heart. _

**_~oo00oo~_**

**(2012, Lake Plesant, Arizona)**

My eyelids snapped open and I sat bolt upright in bed, crying out into the dark void of my bedroom. The scream slowly died in my throat and I stared around wild eyed, seeing nothing but my mother's residual silhouette._  
_

"Oh my God," I gasped into my hands, breathless and shivering. "It was that damn dream!"

I clutched the blankets closer to my bare chest, panting like I'd just run a goddamn marathon. I died eleven years ago and my mother's soul came to collect me; a near death experience.

I've never told anyone what I experienced in that hospital, not even Carlisle who was understanding to a fault. I wasn't sure if it was because I was afraid no one would believe me or that I was embarrassed to admit my biological mother still haunts me. I suppose a little bit of both. I often wonder if my memories of that time are real or not. Was it just a hallucination conjured up by a dying brain or the last wish of a desperate six year old?

"I don't know," I breathed into the dark, honestly shaken up. I'll have no way of ever knowing the truth.

What I _do_ know is that I need to tell someone _before_ I went completely bat shit crazy... even if it meant exposing my deep, dark, secret to those who annoy me the most; my adoptive family, the Cullen's.

Yep, that's right. Good ol' doctor Carlisle Cullen who saved my life adopted me as soon as I left the hospital. I was parentless for only a few months. I suppose I ought to be grateful for what they saved me from; over crowded foster homes and a life of hardship. But sometimes I wonder if everyone in my family would be happier if I had died in that hospital room. It must be depressing having my sad ass around while everyone else is so utterly in-love.

The truth is I felt out of place in my new family. I loved and respected them, hell I even looked up to them, but things aren't always as it appears... no matter how polished the surface is.

My adopted siblings fell flawlessly into step with eachother while I stumbled along blindly, trying to figure out where I fit in. From the start I was treated differently because of my illness. Emmett nicknamed me _the boy in the bubble_ because Esme refused to let me go anywhere without a mask and hand sanitizer. If I so much as sneezed I was rushed to my sterilized bedroom and under-went a rigerous checkup. Who the hell wants to play with a little boy that isn't allowed to roll around in the dirt and rough house? Emmett and Jasper certainly didn't, and Rosalie was already too freaked out. Little Alice, the last addition to the family, seemed to be the only one who sought out my company.

She was the only one that didn't make me feel like a freak.

As we grew older Esme eased up a bit, allowing me to play baseball and be semi-normal... but it was already too late for me. My brother's and sister's split off into couples by then, leaving me blindsided and abandoned.

It was in this bewildered state that I found myself taking on half the school-yard, defending my family's honor with my furious fists. Hurtful words such as incest were whispered by child and adult alike, so I took my anger out on them instead of where the blame actually fell, on my brother's and sister's.

And at the time my nightmares returned with a vengence, abandonment issues rearing its ugly head.

When Alice and I were children I used to beg her to sleep in my room, gripping flash-lights beneath sheet tents and scooting close to her so our hands were clutched in the dark. She never asked why I woke up screaming bloody murder; my haunted expression warned her not to. So she'd layed me back down and sang her silly nursery songs until I fell back asleep. I'm sure she can still hear me crying out through the thin wall between our rooms, but she never comes in anymore with soothing songs. Instead she runs to_ Jasper's_ room, singing an entirely different tune.

I suppose you could say I was jealous...

Day after day I have to endure how desperately in love they are, gagging me with the constant flow of PDA. It was enough to drive me insane with envy. Not that I wanted Alice or Rose in that way; for Christ sake their my sisters. I simply wanted that kind of connection with another human being, prefferably of the female pursuassion.

I've watched how their relationships unfolded over the years, from tentative crushes to absolute and total submission. I see the way my brothers look at the girls, like two men staring directly into the sun, dazzled and awestruck. And the girls return that adoration with complete devotion.

I couldn't help but wonder who will bring me to my knees that way? What girl could weild such power over me that I would fall at her feet? Would I recognize her if I saw her, or would I walk right by her, missing my one oppurtunity?

_Where are you_, I called out to the universe, burning with impatience. I'm not getting any younger here.

I glanced across the dark room toward my glowing alarm clock; it blinked six thirty two A.M. Ugh, I thought. There's something criminal about waking up this early on summer vacation. Besides, the last thing I wanted was to go back to sleep and watch re-runs of my death.

I stumbled blindly to the bathroom flipping on light switches as I went. I caught sight of my frightening reflection when I brushed my teeth; purple bruises ringed my tired eyes and my hair was standing on end. After draining the lizard I briefly contemplated taking a shower, but decided against it on account that I was a lazy fucker with no one to impress.

Leaving on my gray pajama pants and wrinkled whte T-shirt, I left my room, closing the door behind me with a quiet snap, so as not to wake anyone up.

Across the second floor landing was the huge window-wall Esme designed when her company built the house. The sky outside was a swirl of post-dawn colors; lavendars, pinks, even gold as the sun began to crest the horizon. The black lake reflected the multi hued sky like a mirror. It was breath taking. I was always grateful as an artist to be inspired by the view on a daily basis. It made me want to create music, but I was emotionally comprimised this morning for obvious reasons. I knew that whatever I wrote would be tainted with the sadness I always felt after seeing Elizabeth again.

On days like today, when my mind was so full of the past, I tended to mindlessly play old standards such as Chopin and Beethoven; compositions that took little or no effort. But as I settled in at my beloved piano I found myself playing Clair De Lune. I was already full of melonchaly, so the song was perfect for my mood. The music had such a sad edge to it today. Grief. That's what I was translating, my grief.

Fuzzy memories of my mother and father occupied my thoughts while I played; our cramped apartment in Chicago, the Transit System, and the beautiful symphony hall in which my mother played cello. I can still remember the twittering woodwin section, the grand brass trumpets, and the boom boom boom of the kettle drums. I used to climb on stage during their practices and pluck at the piano. I suppose that's what stemmed my fascination.

Elizabeth was right about Esme taking care of my needs, because that's the first thing she did when I moved in, bought me this piano and hired an instructor; Marcus to teach me. Somehow she recognized my yearning for music. It was in my blood; a comforting link to my past... and hopefully my future.

My father, Edward Sr. on the other hand was a biologist for Chicago University, in search of a cure for cancer and other cripling diseases. He traveled all over the world, testing strange, exotic, plants and there effects on the human immune system. I guess he found one too many diseases, sending them back home to my mother and I in a neat package.

He could call his last experiment a resounding failure.

When I thought of Edward Sr. I felt a flash of anger slip down my spine. He was the man of the family, he should have been more careful with us! But if he had, I would never have met the Cullen's and gained a huge, albeit strange, family. It was one of those catch 22 situations where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

When the sun exploded through the window wall a half hour later, the unmistakable sound of movement roused me from my thoughts. Emmett was the first to come bounding down the staircase, whooping as he grabbed the PlayStaion paddle and blasted the TV to near full sound.

Alice was next, taking the stairs two at a time and hollering up to Rosalie, instead of just talking to her before she came downstairs.

"I'll be right back, Rose! I'm going next door to get Bella!" I pursed my lips, livid at the intrusion. She knew full well I was in here playing, not ten feet from her.

"Be back in ten minutes," Rose yelled back under her hairdryer. "I'm almost ready!"

Between Roses industrial strength hairdryer, Alice's rude interruption, and Emmetts all-out decloration of war I was seriously loosing patience.

Alice pivoted on her tiny heels and froze when she saw me, eyes widening. _Yeah, remember me, your brother?_ A defiant look replaced her surprise, and she ran out the front door, leaving me in an even fouler mood than before.

At this point I was destroying Claud De Bussy's masterpiece. The poor bastard was probablly rolling over in his grave. The chords came out in stunted, angry, vibrations, bouncing off the acoustically tuned walls of my music room. I had to start from the beginning again if I wanted to get it right, but I was too stubborn to stop; I was nearly finished. I would get through this fucking song if it killed me!

Emmett's stupid game, Mortal Combat, was machine gunning into my frontal lobe, and Alice was gabbing with someone much quieter than her. That's when I recalled dad's stipulation that we entertain Renne's daughter today... or else. The last thing I felt like doing was entertaining someone. I didn't have the patience nor the interest.

"Shit, _shit_, SHIT!" Emmett bellowed. "I hate this game!" And the paddel went flying through the air.

That was it! I slammed my balled up fists on the ivory keys, a loud gong reverberating through the house. "Would you please _shut up_ Emmett!"_ Godfuckindammit!_

Alice chastised Emmett for swearing in front of our guest. _Our guest_, I thought snidely. Like this house needs anymore people in it! What was so special about this girl anyway? Probablly another air-headed bimbo, or worse, a Kardashian wannabe. I shuddered.

I decided what I need is to get the hell out of this house; far, far, away from my family...

"Don't stop playing," said the softest female voice I've ever heard. "Clair De Lune, right?"

My head snapped up, startled by the gentleness of it. Her soft cashmire voice demanded my attention. I sat up straighter, cantankerous attitude draining away... and then I made the mistake of looking into the eyes of the siren who called me.

She stared at me with wide amber eyes, fringed with thick black lashes, hypnotizing me with her subtle charms. Her beauty was understated, not ostentatious. She wasn't smothered in makeup or spilling from her top just to prove she had boobs. She was... I tilted my head to side, examining her curiously... natural. Yes, I nodded, she was 100% _real_.

I blinked in astonishment, never seeing a girl like her before. And yet she was so attractive it intimidated me.

I took in her unique features, tracing the plains of her pretty face with admiring eyes. Her cheeks were blushing a delicate pink, giving her clear ivory skin some color. Rich chocolate colored hair tumbled down her back in a messy ponytail, loose strands framing her heart shaped face. I knew that if I pulled out the ribbon it would cascade down her back like a silky waterfall. Even her berry lips were attractive; plump and uneven, the top lip a bit fuller than the bottom. I wondered what it would be like to kiss her. I imagined pressing them into my own with delicious force. Would she gasp or moan? A slow crooked grin lifted the corner of my lips, enticing a smile out of her. And when she smiled... my God... it was like the sun had come out after a long dark night.

And I finally got it, why my brother's stared at their girls like a blind man seeing for the first time. My breathing accelerated and I shook with nerves, the keys trembling beneathe my fingers. I instinctively knew I would never look at another girl this way again. She was it... and I didn't even know her name.

Crazy thing is, she too was looking at me with the same awestruck expression. I couldn't imagine her entertaining the same crazy thoughts I was. Hope flooded my chest, an ache settling in my heart. What was that? What was happening to me?

I only vaugly registered Alice and Emmett in the door frame, trading significant looks and stifling laughter. I can only imagine what I must look like to them, staring stupidly at the girl. But I didn't give two shit's what they thought, because I needed to answer her before she thinks I'm mentally incompetent.

I cleared my throat, seeking my lost voice. "You know De Bussy?"

She smiled. "Yes. Clair De Lune is one of my favorites to dance to."

"Dance?" I asked stupidly. _Smooth Edward._

She nodded. "I've studied Ballet since I was three. So the classics I'm very familiar with." I thought she held herself differently. Her back was straight and chest arched just enough for me to notice the tiny buds poking through the pretty white sundress. And those long, slim, milky thighs... _ungh!_

It was a good thing I was sitting behind a piano bench, on account of the massive erection growing in my pants.

"You play beautifully," she said, gesturing to the piano.

I flushed in embarrassment. "Not lately," I shamefully admitted.

She smiled again, disarming me completely. "Well if that isn't up to your usual standards, Edward, then you must be brilliant."

"You know my name?" I asked incredulously. _She knew my fricken name!_ Why did this make me so happy?

She snickered, glancing at Alice and Emmett. "I asked them who was playing the piano."

"Oh," I said, glancing at my amused siblings. For the first time in months I smirked back. Alice's dark eyes lit up like a christmas tree, happiness making her flush. Guilt squeazed my chest, and I realized I owed my sister an epic apology for being such a douche. I would tell her about Elizabeth later, explain my fucked up behavior.

Taking a deep breath I returned my attention back to... "I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. What's your name again?" Alice huffed in the corner, muttering about how I never listen to anything she says.

The girl thrust out her hand toward me. "I'm Isabella Swan, from next door. But you can call me Bella."

This gorgeous creature, who knew how to dance Ballet and listened to classical music, was my new neighbor? Holy crap! This revelation excited me to the point of pain.

I slid my hand into hers in polite greeting, and gasped at the electricity sparking between our palms. Bella's eyes snapped to mine and widened, feeling it too. _Do you feel that, baby? I certainly feel you._

"Alright, enough of that." Emmett chuckled. "Rose is waiting impatiently in the BMW. She's been honking for the last five minutes."

"Yeah, lets go. The store opens in a half hour." Alice added, glancing at her expensive watch.

I blinked. "Wait, you're leaving? Where are you going?" Unnecessary panic filled my chest. She just got here!

"Shopping for the wedding," Alice explained. "Bella needs a dress." Of course, I thought bitterly. I meet the girl of my dreams and Alice is taking her _shopping._

"Um..." Bella glanced at our clutched hands, needing to leave. I flushed, immediately dropping it. My palm was unattractively clammy. I dragged them hastely across my thighs... and looked down, realizing with horror I was still in my wrinkled pajamas. _Oh no_, my subconscious whined. I must look like an unshowered slob!

"I guess I'll see you later?" Bella asked in a hopful tone, being dragged away by Emmett. I glowered at his big meaty hand wapped around her upper arm. Cave man or not, he shouldn't man handle girls that way! Not all of them like it rough.

"Uh, yeah, definitely," I nodded excitedly, catching a glimpse of her sunny smile before she turned the corner, dissapearing into our cavernous house, out the front door, and into Roses car. I heard the engine rev... and she was gone.

I left out a held breath, dissolving onto the keyboard. Gentle notes tinkled beneath my body weight while I groaned in embarrassment. I just made a colosall ass of myself with the worst bantor of my life. I might as well have dropped several IQ points and drank stupid juice for breakfast.

And my unkempt appearence... ugh! Like Beaker from the Muppets.

"You alright there, little bro?"

I numbly sat up and stared at Emmett's dark sihllouette in the doorway. His mamouth frame filled the width and height. "How do you do it?" I asked shakily.

"Do what?" he strolled forward, looking concerned.

I guestured to my aching chest and knotted stomach. "Live with this... this... pressure in your chest? This constant state of self consciousness? It's overwhelming!" I knew I was rambling nonsense, but he looked at me like he knew what I was talking about.

"Two things are vitally important when it comes to girls, Edward." He held up his index finger. "One: You must be her friend first. If you want it to last, make that connection. And second:..." he held up his middle finger, indicating two. "... if it isn't painful, she isn't worth your time."

I made a face, not understanding what he meant. Emmett chuckled and patted my back in a big brotherly gesture. "You're the smartest person I know, Edward. You'll figure it out much faster than Jazz or I ever did." He strolled out the door and called over his shoulder, "Oh, and by the way... she likes you too, so don't give yourself a migrain trying to figure it out."

A huge smile broke across my face. Somehow the universe, or God, or whatever, heard my pleas this morning, wondering where my girl is. And now I know... she lives right next door.

* * *

**Do you believe in love at first sight? I certainly do. **

**I want to let you know before hand that this story will have multiple POV's. It's not boring, believe me. Each Cullen has issues to work out. Just some more than others. It makes the story so much more interesting doncha' think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Stap in girls, this is a loooong chapter! And as I said before there are multiple POV's. I find it interesting to understand everyone's mind set, especially in a family who battles personal demons. **

**As I said before I don't own these characters or anything Twilight related. **

**So enjoy **

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Rosalie's POV**

Where in the living hell is Alice?

I've been sitting in my car for the last ten minutes waiting patiently for her and Bella to grace me with their presence; and Alice had the gall to rush me around this morning, demanding that I be on my best behavior! Like I'm some monovalent monster, hell bent on frightening Bella to death.

If you ask me, Alice seems a bit too excited about Renee's daughter, babbling all kinds of shit at me about how we have to help her. Alice knows I'd rather swallow nails than help a charity case, but seeing as I was one a long time ago, I suppose I had to return the favor at least once in my life. Shopping just seemed the least painful way to contribute.

With every passing minute that I sat here alone in the driver's seat, the less generous I grew toward Alice's friend. They say first impressions last forever? Well, this doesn't bode well for you, Bella. No, not at all.

"Fuck this!" I spat, punching the horn on the steering wheel. _HONK HOOOOONK!_

I am fully prepared to storm through that front door and drag Alice out by the scruff of her neck if need be! Thankfully for them the screen door smacked open, stopping me dead in my tracks. Emmett was laughing at the new girl, his arm draped affectionately over her shoulder. I narrowed my eyes into catty slits, my manicured fingernails digging into the steering wheel. _So that's where they've been,_ _flirting with Emmett!_

I observed the slut closely now that my hackles were up.

Her long hair was dark brown, but for some reason she stuck it up in that god-awful ponytail like she doesn't care how it looks. And that boring white sundress washed out her pale skin, her common brown eyes dominating her plain face. I purposely ignored the fact that she had a very nice body. I wasn't willing to be complementary toward her, especially when Emmett seemed to be gazing down at her with curious interest.

_You have nothing to worry about Rose, _I told myself. _He prefers a polished body, and h__e certainly appreciated mine last night,_ I thought smugly.

"Get her in," Alice ordered while climbing into the passenger side. "She's completely spaced out."

"What's wrong with her?" I asked, observing her dreamy expression.

Alice giggled. "Let's just say beneath Edward's Emo exterior lies the heart of a _lovah_." She made the word lover sound salacious and dirty. But that wasn't what caught my attention. Did Alice mean Edward likes this girl?

I arched a perfectly plucked brow. "Let me get this straight. Edward; you know, tall, skinny, red head with a bad attitude… showed interest in a girl_?_" She nodded, still giggling.

I glanced at Bella Swan in the rearview mirror, intrigued by this strange turn of events. I had to wonder if Alice misread the situation. Seeing as my brother is a moody little bitch most of the time, I couldn't imagine him showing interest in anything beyond himself. He was incredibly self-absorbed. I wasted no pity on people like him.

I watched curiously as Emmett whisper something in the girl's ear, bringing forth a rosy blush and shy smile. His shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. As pissed as I was at his blatant flirtation, it struck me how innocent and naïve she looked; almost as if she were uncomfortable in her own skin… And with a stab of shock I realized I was wrong! My initial observation was backwards; _this girl isn't a flirt, she's a god damn virgin!_ Of course Emmett's sniffing around her, she's a fucking anomaly!

Call it women's intuition or whatever you want, but I just know Bella's innocence is because she's not used to this kind of male attention. Someone who blushes that hard has zero intimacy experience. I should know. I haven't blushed since I was 15.

But what's this have to do with Edward? He's shown the opposite sex very little interest. As a matter of fact there has been much discussion behind Edwards back about the possibility of having a gay brother, or worse, A-sexual brother. If this were the case, good looks are wasted on him.

"Alice, are you sure Edward likes her? A girl I mean?" The skepticism in my voice was thick and heavy to my own ears.

"You should have seen him, Rose! He was flustered and blushing, staring at her like he'd never seen a girl before!" She threw her head back against the seat and sighed happily. "He smiled, Rose."

I blinked in astonishment. "He _smiled_?" She nodded. "Jesus, the last time I saw him smile was… shit, I can't recall."

"I know. Me neither."

"Huh," I mused out loud. "I honestly thought he was gay." Alice frowned.

"He's not gay, Rose."

I shrugged, still not 100% convinced. "I just didn't think the freak had it in him, that's all."

Alice flushed angrily. "I wish you wouldn't call him that! That's part of the reason he keeps to himself now!"

I glanced over to see Alice uncharacteristically brood. Sometimes I forget how super sensitive she is about Edward. She never told me what happened between them, and I'd never pry. But secretly I wondered if Edward and Alice hooked up before Jasper stole her away. But until Alice confessed such a thing, I'd never air my suspicions.

"Okay, he's not a freak then," I conceded. "How about an unbalanced bastard?" She snorted, tilting her head in agreement.

I waved to Emmett before we zoomed away and called, "I love you, sweetheart." He smiled and waved back, looking really freaking hot in his tight t-shirt and track pants.

_Ah, my man, the big buff football jock. Someday I would be the beautiful, envied, wife of a professional football star, enjoying VIP status and going to posh parties with celebrities and__…_

"Rose, this is Bella Swan," Alice interrupted my fantasy. "Bella, this is Rosalie Hale, my big sister."

We acknowledged one another, our eyes meeting in the rearview mirror. She smiled sweetly, her big amber eyes squinting like a Cabbage Patch dolls. _Oh man, she was nice!_ Part of the icy coldness I initially felt toward her was fading_. It isn't her fault Emmett was so handsy_, I told myself. As a matter of fact I had several girlfriends that loved him for just that reason; bitches.

Suddenly I understood why Alice felt the need to take Bella under her wing. There was something vulnerable about her, and she just relocated to a town that eats vulnerable girls for breakfast. They say boys are rough when they fight, well they've never seen what a pack of mean-girls can do. They don't punch, they destroy.

Alice was unusually quiet, twisting her fingers in her lap and biting her lip as we sped off down the interstate.

"Edward looked at me," she mumbled distractedly.

I peeked sideways at her. "Come again?"

"He looked at me without turning away," she explained. "There was something in his eyes, like regret. I think he's going to apologize."

"Well, if he's planning on apologizing then he'd better do a group announcement. Emmett's still pissed at him for last night." Alice frowned, remembering it. Edward flung his plate at Rose in a fit, and anyone who crosses Rose gets a ration of shit from Emmett.

Alice sighed heavily, glancing over her shoulder at Bella for the gazillionth time. Apprehensive hope shone in her dark eyes, and it had me concerned. It was obvious that Alice was pinning all her hopes on this girl. But if Bella fails, or Edward decides he doesn't like her after all… which is what I secretly suspect will happen… I'm not sure Alice could handle the heartbreak.

How does a family cope with that kind of internal trauma?

I shook my head, anxiety slowly building inside my chest. I couldn't handle this. Not with college looming just ahead, and moving away for the first time since Jasper and I were adopted. _No,_ I sighed_. I need stability, not more to worry about._ It was just too much pressure to handle, and it made me want to drink… and that was an incredibly stupid thing to do when you come from a long line of abusive alcoholics.

**BPOV**

My heart was pounding the entire time I tried on clothes. It made it impossible to pay attention to anything Rosalie and Alice said. All my thoughts seemed to take a direct U-turn back to the boy behind the magnificent piano; his intense green eyes, soft coppery hair, and striking features.

As I pretend to look through a rack of dresses I pictured Edward in as much detail as my muddled brain could muster. He had the most beautiful bone structure. I recalled the almond shape of his eyes and the way they squinted adorably when he smiled. My stomach flip flopped when I saw that his aqua-lined nose had a bump in the center of the bridge, like he had gotten into a fight and suffered a broken nose. The small imperfection made him that much more attractive. When he spoke to me, not only was the tone low and velvety, but his lips curved into a sexy crooked smile that did strange things to me. The boy dripped sex appeal… and for the first time in my life my girly bits were on high alert.

My breath hitched as the unfamiliar muscles deep inside my belly clenched and pulled. I tried to hide the flush creeping up my cheeks but Alice's eyes seemed to be trained on my face, deciphering every single emotion I showed. This time she caught my eye with a knowing grin.

_Gah!_ _Could a girl crush in peace, please? _She snickered and turned back to the rack opposite me, searching for that perfect dress. Rosalie looked between us and rolled her blue eyes. I frowned. I'm sure they were getting a kick out of my confusion, but I wasn't used to my body warming to this sensual degree, so excuse me for feeling a little off kilter.

All I know is Edward is entirely distracting. My thoughts and feelings we're being twisted up into a Bella-pretzel. I'm not used to feeling this way about a boy. Dad urged me to wait until college to date and Jacob seemed to have a cow every time a guy showed the slightest bit of interest. Why I let them treat me this way was a mystery, but here, away from their influence I was able to navigate my sexuality and romantic notions in peace.

But now that I have freedom I don't know what to do with it.

I huffed, angry at my ignorance. I had to find out how Edward felt about me because there's no way in hell I'm staying over at his house for an entire week while feeling this strongly for him, and not have him return those feelings. Unrequited love was something I knew all too well, thanks to my many books. And I don't plan on being as pathetic as Jane Bennett or Elinor Dashwood, waiting around for their men to get their head out of there asses. I was a strong, independent woman, and… and… _oh hell_, who am I kidding? I was the epitome of pathetic, crushing on a guy I literally just met. And already he's all I can think about?

Yeah. Pathetic is my new middle name.

Through all of this inner turmoil I vaguely registered that Rosalie Hale was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever laid eyes on. She was tall and thin, had long blonde hair and dark blue eyes. She reminded me of the girls you'd see in the south; perfect tanned body, blonde, and sparkling white teeth. You know, Jessica Simpson.

Rosalie was saying something at me, but I was staring off into space, replaying my awkward conversation with Edward. _God, he was beautiful_.

"Bella, could you _try_ to pay attention?" Rosalie snapped. I jumped and felt instantly guilty. The poor girl was a stranger and she was being so helpful.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I do appreciate what you're doing for me, Rosalie." She pursed her lips, eyeing me speculatively_; to forgive Bella or not._

"Can she help it if our brother shot an arrow into her heart?" Alice teased while patting my bent head.

"Yeah right," Rosalie mumbled. "At least listen to what we're saying, okay?" I wanted to salute but thought better of it. Rose gave off the impression that she's the last girl you wanna pick on, so I nodded meekly.

"Oh, look at this one, Rose!" Alice held up a dress with an excited smile.

"Bingo!" Rosalie frog marched me to the dressing rooms shoving me through the pale grey curtain, and ordered my clothes off.

I pouted at my reflection in the full length mirror. _I wanted to go home_! Funny, I thought. I was so opposed to it being home this morning when Renee asked me to move in, and now...

Is it healthy for a guy to have that kind of influence over me? I rolled my eyes, exasperated, and stripped.

A spark of rebellion flared within me, my Quileute pack mentality kicking in. I had half a mind to walk around the store in my Fruit of the Looms, seeing I was out of my clothes 90% of the time. But I wasn't a Quileute or part of the pack. I was Bella, just Bella. So as usual I did what I was told to do, and tried on the umpteenth dress. Push over didn't even cover it.

The dress was a deep blue and looked lovely with my ivory complexion. Instead of washing me out the color worked for me, complimenting my rosy cheeks and amber eyes. It had a silky corset bodice that I struggled to zip up, and the full length skirt fell to my ankles in flowing chiffon. I blinked in surprise. Instead of looking like a girl playing dress up in her mom's clothes I looked like a sophisticated lady, like this dress was tailored for my bodies dimensions.

I stepped out of the dressing room and the girl's squealed with delight, bouncing with their arms around each other.

"I take it this was the clear winner?" I laughed.

They giggled breathlessly. "Oh, Bella," Alice said, bouncing over to take my hands. "You're going to knock Edward's socks off!" I smiled happily, though his socks aren't precisely what I'd like to knock off. Now his pants…

"There's only one problem," I said, halting them in their tracks.

Alice frowned. "What's that?"

"It's too expensive. I can't afford…" I picked up the tag under my arm and read,"…$199.99. Even if it is on sale it's too rich for my blood."

Rosalie waved off my concern with a quick _pft._ "Don't worry about it Bella. We'll get it on the card. Besides, it's the only dress in three stores that's worked with you. I don't think you have a choice."

"Rosalie, I can't just…"

"You can and you will." She nudged me back through the curtains before I could argue and said, "Now get dressed and we'll go look for shoes next." And while I was muttering darkly under my breath, she called, "And don't say I've never done anything for you." I sighed. Rosalie was so bossy.

Ten minutes later she and Alice swiped that credit card faster than I could say _debt. _And to my surprise, while I was in the dressing room, they too picked out dresses for the wedding. Alice bought a light grey cocktail dress and Rosalie a red, spaghetti strap, gown. The cost alone must have been astronomical.

"You're going to the wedding too?" I asked hopefully, suddenly afraid of being all alone with Renee's new family. Talk about being the black sheep.

"Dad and Mom are best friends with Phil and Renee. Why wouldn't we be invited?" Alice asked as we entered a swanky shoe store with name brand pumps. The bell _dinged _and we were immediately accosted by salesman.

"How come we've never met you before?" Rosalie asked while waiting for a platform sandal, size 7. "Renee's lived here for two years. I didn't even know she had a daughter."

I froze, all the air sucked from my lungs.

Her last words_, I didn't even know she had a daughter_, rang in my ears. Did Renee speak so little of me, or mention any cute anecdotes of when I was a baby? That's what other mothers did, right? I sighed. _What did you expect Bella? The woman's always put herself before you, you know that. So get over it. You know how to deal with maternal rejection. _

I swallowed the sickening feeling so I could ask, "Two years?" My voice had no volume. Rosalie and Alice looked at me strangely, nodding.

"Right," I mumbled to myself. "Two years, seven hundred and thirty days, twenty four months… that's plenty of time to call me and tell me where she is, right?"

"Bella?" Alice poked my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Her pretty elfin face came into focus, and I realized I slipped into one of my mental ramblings with a shoe man at my feet. "Oh, sorry, um… my parents split when I was six years old, and Renee left me with Charlie; that's my father…" I scowled at the unwelcome onslaught of memories, trying to shove them back unsuccessfully; me, stirring a boiling pot of oatmeal at seven years old at getting burned, or doing the shopping with Jacob at twelve years old because dad wasn't around to do it. I was a hungry, lonely, little girl.

"She never came back for me," I said with a distant stare. "And I hardly ever heard from her, so when she called to tell me she was getting remarried I jumped at the chance to see her, hoping that maybe she'd say I'm sorry and explain why she doesn't want me."

Rosalie was staring at me with wide blue eyes. "Bella, that's so sad."

My answering smile as shaky. "Don't feel bad for me, Rose. If anything, I met you guys. And for that I'm grateful." Something in the way she looked at me changed; respect I think.

Alice's smile was pitying, but genuine. "I feel the same way, Bella."

"Actually... my mom sort of offered to let me finish my senior year here, and I might be thinking about it. It all depends on…" _Edward_, I didn't say aloud.

Alice's eyes bugged out of her head and she slapped my arm. "_Shut-up!_" I threw my head back and laughed, grateful for the change in subject.

"No, I'm not kidding. She asked me this morning." Alice grabbed my hands and jumped up and down. I uncharacteristically bounced with her, my silver strappy heeled feet slipping and sliding beneath me.

"Now you and Edward will have all year together before college!"

Rose cleared her throat and coolly flipped the page of a magazine. "Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself?" She glanced at Alice with admonishing blue eyes. "You're not psychic, so don't go predicting anyone's future. It's giving false hope." I looked at Rosalie with a hurt expression. But she was right. Who can say that Edward feels the same way I do? He could have looked at me that way simply because he appreciated my semi-knowledge of classical music. I got the feeling he doesn't have many like-minded people around him.

_Yes_, I decided. _Rose is right_. Giving me false hope was a bad thing indeed.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale!" Alice hissed angrily.

"What?" she said innocently.

"No, she's right," I waved Alice down, plopping down in a swanky red leather chair behind me.

"No, she's not!" she shot her smug sister a look. "Rosalie wasn't there! I was! I saw how he looked at you, Bella, and I know that look; I see it every day on Jasper and Emmett's face." I frowned, not understanding what their brothers have to do with anything. "I know Edward as well as myself, so trust me, Bella. You're here for a reason." I stared into her wide, sincere eyes, and felt compelled to trust her. She asked me earlier to do just that_, that it's what friends do_.

"Okay," I nodded. "I'll trust you, Alice." She sighed with relief, ignoring the disapproving shake of Roses head.

I'm not sure why Alice felt so strongly about Edward's feelings for me, whatever they are, but if she told me not to give up, than I wouldn't give up… even if Rose's warning unnerved me.

The ride home took less time than I thought, and with every passing mile my breathing turned into hyperventilation. I was strung tighter than Edward's piano by the time we passed Renee's brick house, and through the disorientation I noticed my mother wasn't home. If everything went as I hoped with Edward, then I need to sit down with her and discuss my moving in.

I sincerely hope he's worth the upheaval in my life.

I dropped my head in my hands and closed my eyes. Everything that was once solid fact in my life had flipped on its ear. For instance, Jacob Black would always be my only friend, Charlie would always be my only parent, and cold, wet, Forks is where I'd settle down, get married, and have pretty babies. But instead I'm cruising in a sleek red convertible on a hot, sunny, day in Lake Pleasant Arizona, buried under bags of beautiful, expensive items, and being driven to the man of my dreams by two _girl-_friends. I giggled, delirious with happiness. I have to be having an out-of-body-experience. This reality can't be real. Edward was too beautiful to exist outside of a girl's dirty dreams.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself not to fling my body from the car as we parked in the drive. I clamped my fingers around the edge of the leather seat and bounced in place. But when I was finally released I paced myself with Rosalie's long-legged stride, and Alice trotted behind us, arms weighed down with bags bigger than her, talking a mile a minute.

_This was it, here we go,_ I psyched myself up_. Edward's in there and I'm out here, just two more steps, Bella! Remember, calm, cool, and collected…_

_Oh, who am I kidding? _

Pretending to be a humble guest at this point would be insulting everyone's intelligence, so I rudely pushed past Rose and scanned the wide open house in breathless anticipation. I spied Emmett on the couch watching a movie, and a blonde guy I didn't recognize in the kitchen rummaging through a stainless steel fridge. To my disappointment there was a notable lack of piano playing; it was shocking how empty the house felt without it. For some stupid reason I imagined he would still be in that dimly lit room waiting for me and playing his stirring rendition of Clair De Lune. I instantly recognized this for the silly, romantic, notions of a girl who reads way too many romance novels._ This is the twenty first century, Bella, not seventeenth century London. Boys don't write heart felt confessions of undying love to the awkward neighbor girl with silly crushes! _

Angry with myself for being so incredibly stupid, I drifted across the living room and peeked inside his music room just to confirm what I already knew. My heart dropped into my stomach. He wasn't here. The lights were turned off and his sheet music was neatly piled on top of the glossy piano. All I could think was: _Sorry Alice, I guess Rosalie was right__._ _Never try to predict someone's intensions no matter how sure you are__._

I slunk back to Alice's side near the door, licking my wounded pride.

She reached out to touch my arm when someone called, "There you are!" Our attention snapped to the really cute blonde guy in kitchen, and Alice beamed. Her face completely lit up. He chuckled and tipped a carton of milk to his mouth, taking a swig.

_What the hell__,_ I thought peevishly. _I__s this house full of freaking models or what?_ I was half expecting Tyra Banks to come out with her camera crew and tell us our next challenge!

"Jasper," Alice chastised affectionately. "If Esme saw you with that milk she'd flay you alive."

He smirked, eyeing her in a way I would not think proper for a brother. "So, what are you gonna do about it, squirt?"

She sauntered up to him and brought her hand to his cheek, lowering his face to hers. "Kiss the evidence away, that's what." And she did! She planted a wet one right on his mouth! And Jasper didn't pull away!

_Holy crap!_

I turned to see if Rose and Emmett saw this, but they were too busy frenching on the couch, pawing at one another's bodies! My eyes were literally in danger of falling out of my skull. What the hell was going on?

This was all too much to handle. First Edward and now this? I didn't know if I were still asleep or walked into the Twilight Zone!

And that's when I saw a small photograph on the wall; the family at a water park, smiling and waving for the camera. Edward was in the back, grinning madly with a pair of goggles on his face. Than a horrific idea popped to life like a light bulb over my head; is he involved in this, this… incest? Unwanted visions of Edward having his dirty way with Alice flashed through my mind. Then again maybe he prefers both girls at the same time; what did I know about incest?

God, it gives family fun night a whole new meaning!

Yes, I should run! That's the best thing for now. At least until I sort out my head.

Alice was watching me back away from them like a frightened mouse caught in the gaze of a hungry snake. I always had terrible reactions, open and obvious.

"I know this must seem strange, Bella…"

"Oh, gee, you think?" I spat, eyeing them all like they were crazy. Rose and Emmett watched me from the couch wearing matching frowns, and Jasper shuffled his feet uncomfortably, unable to look me in the eye.

"… but the first thing you have to remember is that we're not blood relations. Only Rose and Jazz share DNA."

"But… but you're brother and sister," I stammered with revulsion.

Alice shook her head. "We're _adopted_ into the same family, Bella. We came from different parts of the country, born to different parents."

"_Right__,_" I replied unconvinced. Adopted or not they were siblings! _Ew,_ just, _ew!_

She took a weary breath. "We can't help it if fate brought us together this way. You see, Jasper is my soul mate, and I love him. It seemed cruel at first to feel this way for your adopted sibling, because the last thing we wanted was to disappoint Esme and Carlisle. I mean, they gave us a safe home full of love and stability. But when you get down to it, you realize that a legal document matters very little when you're face to face with the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with. And they understood that and respected it. If they didn't…" she shook her head grimly. "… I'm not sure what would have happened to our family."

Jasper strolled over and put his arms around her. She fit in his arms perfectly, pressing her face into his chest and cooing gently into her ear. If I didn't know they were brother and sister before this would I have judged them so harshly?

"Please don't run Bella," she whispered, looking at me with teary eyes. "I like you, and it's hard to find people who don't judge us. Please don't run away." Wow, Alice looked desperate.

I suppose what she said makes sense? They couldn't help who they fell in love with and it certainly wasn't their fault for being adopted into the same family. If it was fate, as Alice believed, then it all boiled down to the same thing… you don't turn away love when it comes your way. Apparently their mom and dad understood that, unlike me who instantly turned their relationship into a devious, sexual, orgy. And in that I had my answer; I'm the pervert, not them.

"I won't run, Alice. I promise." Her breath caught and she jumped at me. I hugged her tightly, snickering. When she let me go I said, "And I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. It was just such a shock to the system." Jasper snorted, and muttered, _I bet it was_.

And even though all of this was beginning to settle in my mind, I still had to ask, "Is Edward…" I didn't know how to say this tactfully. "…_involved_ with one of you?"

Rose made a loud gagging noise while Alice threw her head back and laughed. "God no!" They chimed together.

"We're not a fucking harem, Bella!" Rosalie snapped. I flushed, feeling ridiculous.

"Well, I don't know about you," Emmett said in a gay affect. "But I find Edward incredibly irresistible." Jasper bent forward and guffawed, his honey blonde hair falling into his gray eyes.

"I knew it," Rosalie teased, pushing her boyfriend playfully away. "You're really batting for the other team, aren't you?"

Emmett shrugged. "I might even let you borrow my I heart Taylor Lautner t-shirt for being a good sport about it, babe."

Alice smiled and kissed my cheek as her rowdy siblings teased good-natured Emmett. He took it in stride, loving the attention.

_It must be hard_, I thought while watching them_,__ making friends when everyone's constantly scrutinizing your unconventional love life. And Edward, how does he handle being around this every day? This was of no fault of his, but I bet it affects him. Especially being the odd man out._

And with that thought I redoubled my efforts to find him. I looked throughout the first floor, his empty music room, then out the massive window-wall toward the beach. He was nowhere to be found.

Just as anxiety set in I heard movement on the staircase behind me...

"Hey, have you two ass bags seen my sunblock?" I gasped and spun around.

"Now, Edward," said Jasper in a teasing tone. "Why would you talk like that in the presence of ladies?" He dropped to the lithely to the floor and skidded in his black Adidas flip flops… then our eyes met.

"Edward," I breathed with relief, all my fears expelled in that one word.

"Bella," he smiled that panty melting half smirk of his, and a look came over her face like we've had sex already and it was _really_ good.

_Oh my!_ I guess I don't have to worry about him liking me…

It was like the first time we saw each other. That instantaneous spark traveled through my body like vines taking root in the ground, tying me to him and him to me. His green eyes flashed to the lip trapped between my teeth, and I swear to God he growled.

What was going on here?

There was nothing light and fluffy about this encounter. It reminded me of the movies we watched back in science class about animal behavior; Edward was the mountain lion, sniffing me out as potential mate, and I think I inexplicably measured up. His beautifully carved face was focused and heated, his nostrils even flared like he could smell my pheromones from across the room.

I realized something important as I was shivering under his gaze. Edward was an intense person. When he feels something it overwhelms him, and he needs an outlet… maybe I'm that outlet? God, I hoped so!

He moved toward me revealing just how tall he was; about 6' 2'. He towered over my 5'8 stature. As he stepped into my physical space I could hardly stand it. He smelled like clean body wash and something distinctly male. My hormones went into overdrive as it filled my nose, settling on my tongue. _Can I lick you?_

"Hi," he said in that in that low musical voice.

"Hello Edward," I smiled. When I spoke his green eyes softened, then lingered on my lips._ Does he want to kiss me?_

"Holy shit, Al," Rosalie whispered. "I take it all back. You are psychic."

She giggled. "No, not psychic. Just observant."

"Well, you better get her upstairs before he has an accident," Jasper keenly observed. Emmett was hanging over the back of the couch, outright laughing at us.

I didn't hear any of it because Edward's body heat was reaching out and running its feathery fingers over my bare skin, then the next thing I now I'm being dragged upstairs by Rosalie, barking out orders for us to snap out of it.

"No," I protested, craning my neck to see Edward watching me ascend the stair case. I've been dragged away from him twice now! He smiled that same I-know-something-you-don't-know smile… and my panties spontaneously combusted.

Once locked inside Alice's bathroom she handed me the brand new, hot pink bikini, they bought me and ordered me to change. Grumbling, I did as I was told.

"That needs to be adjusted Bella, come here."

"It's hard to reach, that's all."

Rosalie stood behind me in the full length mirror wearing a red bikini and a white hip wrap. She had a fantastic body. But I didn't mind being around that degree of perfection because my body wasn't so bad itself. My muscles were strong and conditioned from balancing on tip toes for fourteen years. Madam Jane would kick my ass if I didn't continue training while I was on vacation, so I had to remind myself that amidst the fun I was currently having, I needed to stay focused and dance every other day, or I'd get soft.

Rose adjusted the ties at my hips and nodded when she was done. Alice flounced in, wearing a black one-piece bathing suit and a silver hip wrap. She slid on funky sunglasses, and I was struck with how much she reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. I told her so, which earned me a huge smile. Come to find out, that was Al's idol.

I slipped on a pair of Roses black boy shorts, since I wasn't entirely comfortable wearing next to nothing in front of Edward, than I let my hair down from its ponytail. It fell down my back in long, curly, waves, tickling the skin of my back and shoulders.

With anAlice-approved nod, we walked outside into the afternoon sun and trotted down the foot path toward the lake, where the boys waited for us in the bobbing boat.

EPOV

I was still staring at the staircase where I had last seen Bella when Jasper spoke.

"Wow!" he said impressed. "What was that, Edward?"

_"I want her!" _I breathed with a deep determination, my husky voice unrecognizable to my own ears.

"We can see that," Emmett snorted. I panicked and looked down at my docile junk.

"Jesus Christ, Emmett," I snapped, slamming out the screen door. "Make me think I perved out on her!" They roared with laughter.

The two chuckle heads followed me down the path toward the dock with towels draped over our shoulders. I could hear them murmuring close behind. _Whatever,_ I sighed, bracing myself for the immature comments.

I grabbed the keys from Jasper and hopped lightly over the side of the boat and first checked the gas then retied the jet-skis to the dock.

"Edward has a girlfriend," Jasper said conversationally to Emmett. I rolled my eyes skyward. _Oh, brother, here we go._

"She's not my girlfriend, guys. I just met her five hours ago."

"It didn't look that way to me, did it to you Jazz?" Emmett ignored me as I turned on the boats engine, warming it up.

"The way she looked at Edward was extremely hot, don't you think?" Jazz replied.

"She is hot," Emmett agreed. "Did you see that tight body? Oh, and those long-ass legs? Mmm-mm. Imagine those babies wrapped around your waist."

That did it! A voice deep in the back of my brain shouted, '_You have no right to be ogling Bella's legs!'..._so I took a deep breath and turned on my brothers, not angrily, but pleadingly.

"Look guys, I never ever ask anything of you, but this time I'm begging you to leave her alone. Please, don't embarrass her."

"Oh, I wasn't going to embarrass _her._" An evil grin spread over Emmett's face.

I nodded, expecting this. "As long as you leave her alone, that's all that matters. Remember, to her were still strangers."

"So protective Edward," Jasper grinned knowingly. "Is it that your male hormones have finally kicked in after seventeen years?" My grateful smile dropped, and I retreated into that protective part of myself, the part where I've hidden for eleven years from these assholes. They always do this to me. I get that I'm their little brother but they must know that I want what they have; happiness, acceptance, love…

"Yes Jasper, that's it," I said flatly. "I'm a pathetic loser with a fucked up immune system who can barely function without getting sick. I'm a freak show, not normal, never was, never will be. Believe me, I get it." Their teasing manner quickly dissipated.

"Hey," Emmett backpedaled. "Don't sweat it bro, we got your back."

Jasper eyed me intently while I fiddled sullenly with the radio. "Edward, we were only kidding around. It's been so long since you talked to us that, well, I guess we over compensated."

"I know," I shot him a smirk. "It's just that I really like her and I'm afraid you're going to chase her away."

"That won't happen, believe me," he said. "Not after what she saw earlier." He and Emmett chuckled. I frowned not knowing what they meant.

"Yeah," Emmett agreed. "She's tougher than she looks." _Oh God, what did they do?_

I hated being a baby, but sometimes the fact that my brothers think themselves superior, bugged the shit out of me. If they we're honest with themselves they'd have to admit they we're lucky as shit they found the girls at all! So who the hell where they to tease me for not having that luxury; a sibling on a silver platter?

"We come baring food," Rosalie called from the wobbly dock. I stood up in relief and helped her climb into the boat. Emmett whistled and slapped her ass with a loud smack. She screeched and hit him back.

"Here's the cooler," Alice chirped. "Careful it's heavy. Mom really went crazy making sandwiches." She struggled to lift it, but I got it.

As she was climbing over the side she said, "Speaking of mom, she said in a note that you're the only one licensed to drive the boat, so if she finds out anyone else did you'll be in deep crap." She slid those god awful sunglasses down her nose and winked. I couldn't help it… I missed her goofiness, so I laughed. She smirked and pushed past me.

"Can you help me, Edward? I'm not sure how to do it without killing myself." Bella was looking nervously at the high walls of the boat and the distance from the dock. I watched her bite her soft lower lip… and regretted it. My dick stiffened and pointed straight at her as if it were saying, _grab hold of me and I'll pull you up_...

She looked up when I didn't answer. A slow smile spread across her face when she found me staring at her like some fool who was hit in the face by a basketball. She was already so beautiful clothed, that to see her in just a bikini and boy shorts was going to take some major control on my part not to ogle her body like some sick pervert. But, God, did I want to…

"_Edward_." She said slowly, letting my name roll of her tongue. I blinked stupidly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I shook my head to clear it of its foggy lust. "Here, let me help you with that."

I took the basket from her, handed it to Emmett behind me, and reached out for her hand. She slid her long thin fingers into my palm, gripped my forearm with her other hand and slid her long, glossy, leg up over the side of the boat. I pulled her up but she stumbled into me, clutching my waist for support with a cry of panic.

Everyone looked up and grinned at our happy predicament.

I hugged her to me when the boat lurched sideways, supporting us against the windshield. She looked up at me with wide amber eyes… and I melted_. Please, like me Bella,_ my eyes begged. I can't be around you and not feel lost. Her eyes softened, as if understanding my silent request. My shaking fingers found purchase in her silky brown hair, admiring the way it flowed down around her back in waist length waves and curls_. _

_Stay in my arms, Bella, please. _

"Come on, man," Emmett muttered quietly. "It's hot as Hades out here. Let's get this boat moving." I sighed and reluctantly let her go. She walked unsteadily past me to sit in the back with Alice. My palms still tingled from touching her...amongst other things.

She chatted with Alice, her eyes flicking to me every few seconds while I checked the boats gauges. I was hyper aware of her no matter where I was or what I was doing, like a spot light was trained on her at all times. That was when I realized I had a problem; Esme said I was the designated driver, and Bella sat in the very back with Alice, so I wouldn't be able to talk to her. I frowned, frustrated by the circumstances.

"Are you used to boats, Bella?" I blurted out from the Captain's chair, swiveling around toward her. She blinked, confused I think.

"Not speed boats. Why?"

"Because once we hit fifty miles an hour the back of the boat where you're sitting sinks a bit, and the front rise's." This was totally true of course. "Where would you be more comfortable?" I smiled when she apologized to Alice, crawling over Jaspers lap and scurrying to the front. Alice followed obediently, kicking Emmett and Rosalie in the back.

"I didn't know that," she said anxiously. "Thank you."

"Anytime," I grinned.

I put the boat in reverse and called over my shoulder, "Is everyone ready?"

"_Wooh!__" _crowed Emmett. "Let's roll little brother!"

"For Christ sake, Em, calm down," Rose sighed.

"Yeah," giggled Alice. "Remember what happened last time?"

"What happened?" Bella asked curiously, looking between them with a grin.

"Don't you dare," Emmett warned.

"Oh, like we won't now," Jasper laughed. "Emmett mooned another boat and lost his balance, falling in. I got pictures on my phone, wanna see?" Bella nodded excitedly, reaching for the Blackberry, but Emmett clocked Jasper before the exchange was made.

"Ow, you bastard!" he yelped, rubbing his shoulder. Bella looked adorably shocked.

I chuckled and pushed the lever forward, speeding off to the center of the lake. The wind drowned out any conversation, but it didn't matter, because every now and then I'd feel her eyes on me, giving me a reason to look at her in return. So much was being passed between those quick glances; _do you like me? I like you. Can we talk? I'd like to get to know you better. _

I couldn't ignore that something was changing inside me, and it coincided with Bella showing up in my piano room this morning. I woke up in a wash of sweat, gasping in panic from my mother's nightly visit… and then there was Bella, beautiful and unassuming, erasing all my anger and grief with a simple sunny smile and a soft spoken hello.

She gave me hope.

BPOV

I have to admit, I'm a habitual hair twirler. When I feel anxious I find that perfect strand and twist it around my finger until I'm calm. And right now I was twirling a curl at high speed.

Edward was testing the boats limits, crashing through the waves like a speed demon. There was a manic gleam in his gorgeous green eyes when the boats nose bounced and slammed us back down with a jolt. My nails bit into the white leather seat. _Did he have to drive so fast? _

The almost nonexistent waves on shore were huge out here! I remembered what Edward said about the boat sinking in the back, and turned curiously around to see Emmett and Rosalie practically immersed in the lake, laughing their asses off.

It's silly to be nervous, I know. But it was new to me. I was used to hand carved canoes gliding across calm misty lakes and scummy green ponds. The biggest disturbance they experienced back home was torrential rain, not speed-thirsty teenage boys!

I noticed Edward watching my thin fingers manipulate a strand and raised my dark eyebrow in a questioning manner. He shrugged and smiled that breath taking crooked smile. It was kind of fun not having any communication besides facial expressions and subtle body movements; it gave us a reason to stare at one another for longer than necessary. But I think he picked up on my anxiety, because a moment later we mercifully slowed down somewhere near the middle of the lake where the water was clear, cool, and aquamarine.

I took a deep breath and looked out at the scenery. It was breathtaking. We had to be miles from the closest beach; the trees looked miniature and houses were nothing but dots of color. The sky above was an expansive bright blue, the sun, luxurious and warm. I tilted my face up to it and smiled. My skinned tingled pleasantly as the unblocked sun beat down on my face and shoulders, warming me to the very tips of my fingers and toes.

Suddenly I was afraid to go back home. I couldn't survive in sleepy little Forks anymore, with its tall imposing pine trees and stretches of sunless months. No, I was afraid to go back to the rain and cold damp earth. I was a human being, not an amphibian!

I have a big decision to make, a difficult one with major consequences. I would break Charlie's heart by leaving him alone in that house full of memories of a broken family, or hurt myself for going back, just to make him happy.

Either way, someone was going to get hurt.

The question I should be posing is whether Edward was worth it? Truth is I didn't know him from Adam, but something about the boy sitting next to me with beautiful profile and coppery colored hair made me feel more alive than my old life ever did, and that was worth exploring.

A few minutes later we floated to a standstill, bobbing over the swells like a toy boat. Edward reached up and shut the boat off, grinning over at me when he heard me sigh in relief. I smirked back; amused that he had picked up on my anxiety.

To my tremendous shock the boat lurched.

"_CANNON BAAAALL_," bellowed Emmett. He slammed into the water with a huge _sploosh_, sending a wall of water into the boat.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Rosalie screeched.

Alice bared her teeth and growled, "If you value your life you'll never do that again!" Jazz handed her a towel sniggering.

Edward watched me like a hawk to see if I was upset. "it's okay," I smiled. "The water feels nice and warm."

"Warm?" Alice's teeth chattered as Emmett crawled back in that boat. "It's f f freezing."

"Well its warm compared to where I'm from."

"Where _are _you from?" Edward asked, leaning unconsciously toward me.

"Forks, Washington," I flushed. His brows pulled together at my tone.

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I heard Washington is a beautiful state."

"It is, if you're passing through on vacation. Forks has an average of three hundred and twenty one days of rain, and it snows in May if it's cold enough. Did you know that?"

"No," he breathed. They all looked shocked.

"Well it does," I said grimly. "And being here, well, let's just say my cold body has gone into shock. The lake feels like bath water to me."

"What do you do for fun, then?" Jasper asked.

"Oh, well there's a Native American Reservation where the Quileute tribe live, and I grew up there. There are beautiful beaches along their coast, but the ocean is 30 degrees on a good day, so..." Alice shivered into her towel. "And sometimes I cliff dive with my friends when the sun comes out, but what I spend most of my time doing is tooling around the rez on my motorcycle." I frowned, realizing I missed it. It sure was fun.

"Motorcycle?" Edward asked, raising one of his dark alabaster eyebrows.

I grinned. "Yep, a 74' Harley. A classic."

"Holy shit," Edward whispered, wearing an impish grin.

Rosalie looked at me like I were insane. "Cliff diving into the Pacific Ocean?"

"Native Americans?" Jasper tilted his head thoughtfully. I guessed he was trying to extract them from our history books and put them in today's context, like removing Crazy Horse out of South Dakota's Sioux nation and dropping him in the middle of a Mall in Idaho. The image didn't add up.

I laughed. "I know. I feel so alien here. Though I'm really glad I came. I haven't seen my Mom in years and now I might be here longer than the summer."

"What, you were going back?" Edward leaned in closer, about three feet from me. His scent got caught in the breeze and I couldn't help but breathed him in. It was the same as before, body wash and something distinctly male; leather, musk, aftershave?

"Um, yeah," I nodded, trying to clear my lust addled brain. "Mom offered to let me stay and enroll in high school around here."

Edward sat up straighter and beamed at the thought. "Are you going to do it?" He asked suddenly serious.

I looked pointedly at Edward, letting him know he was the deciding factor here. "I'm thinking about it." He looked immensely pleased with himself and smiled over at Alice. She chuckled, shaking her head.

"You said you're a dancer, right?" he asked, taking a water from the cooler and handing it to me. "You look flushed," he explained.

"Thanks," I said gratefully. "I am hot."

He smiled his sexy, secret, smile again. "Yeah, you are." My eyes widened at his blatant flirtation.

He thinks I'm hot? _Oh, honey, have you looked in a mirror lately? You set the standard for hot!_

"Um, yeah," I nodded like a wide eyed bobble-head doll. "Ballet is what I think I want to pursue for a career. Well, either that or study classic literature, maybe teach." Edward listened intently, his pretty sparkly eyes never leaving my face for a second. I was a flustered mess at this point.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett called, breaking our connection. "Do you wear those frilly pink tutus when you dance?" Edward face palmed himself.

"Yes, when I was ten." I laughed.

"So, you can do that tippy-toe thing?" Alice asked.

"Yes. And it's called arabesque; the first position."

Emmett snorted into his root beer. "That's not what I call the first position." Rose smacked his bare chest with a thwack.

"Show us," Jasper said keenly. Alice nodded excitedly.

"Alice, Rose," warned Edward. "Don't make her…"

"No, I'll do it," I said, stopping him. "It's what I do. Why be embarrassed about it?"

I stood up gingerly, touching Edwards shoulders for support, which I noted were hard as a rock. Surprised, I looked down at his body instead of his face and realized for the first time that he was as solidly built as Jasper or Emmett. _Holy hell_… How had I missed that?

He held my elbows whileI climbed carefully over the cooler. I stood myself in the middle of the boat, somewhere between Jasper and Emmett, and kicked off my sandals. I crossed my ankles tightly into the fourth position, found my center... which was difficult because of the rolling waves beneath us... balanced all my weight on the balls of my feet, stretched my arms above my head delicately, and soon enough my feet followed; perfect adagio.

I stood on tip toes and looked down at Alice who was cheering with the others. I plunked down and rubbed out the strain on my ankles and calves. Edward was staring at me open mouthed, eyes glazed with some emotion.

"Teach me!" Alice demanded as I slid in the seat beside her.

"Alice, it took me ten years to learn how to do that _without_ my pointe shoes." She pouted, disappointed. "Besides, you really shouldn't do that or you can damage your toes permanently."

"Then why do it yourself?" she asked.

I smirked, quirking a brow. "Because I can." She chuckled, nudging me.

Emmett handed out lunch soon after that; chicken salad wraps and chips. Alice mentioned that Edward was eating again, which was strange. I glanced at him concerned. Was he sick? Edward frowned at his sister and took a huge bite so he didn't have to answer.

_Hmm…_

"So, tell me," I said over the radio. "Why were you so frustrated this morning?"

Edward frowned. "You noticed that did you?"

"The whole house noticed," Emmett growled, grabbing Rosalie's hand.

"Uh, yeah." He scratched his head. "Sorry about that. Um, sometimes I get stuck in my head, and I can't make what I feel go from here," he touched his temple. "… To the piano. Do you understand?" Everyone shook their head, looking at him like he was insane. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

I looked around at them all, wondering how they could not see that their callous reaction to his frustrations bothered him. I mean, it wasn't their fault they don't understand the pressure we put on ourselves to create perfection, but it was their fault for not being more understanding and supportive. Maybe if they were Edward wouldn't have mini-outbursts, like this morning.

"I understand completely," I reassured him, reaching out to touch his thigh. He looked at me with desperation. "When I have to choreograph something for class, it can literally drive me insane until I find a way to display what I'm seeing in my head. It can be the most frustrating, horrible, feeling, to know that you're good enough to create something amazing, yet you have to compete with distractions and constant outside interruptions." I sighed deeply, feeling the residual frustration from my last competition; it wasn't pretty. "I suppose it could be the same for a musician. We artists are too sensitive."

He was staring at me with wonder. "You really do understand."

I smirked. "I wouldn't say I did if I didn't." He smiled back wryly.

"Hey, do you want to know what I do when I get stuck like that?"

He shook his head, "What?"

"I let it go, then come back to it later with a fresh perspective."

He grimaced, looking confused. "How can you do that?"

"Because I have to, or I'm forcing a piece of material rather than letting the audience experience it for themselves. You want someone to say_, 'I know exactly what they were feeling when they created this piece'..._at least that's what I aim for."

Edward squirmed in his seat, seeming to mull over my words. He glanced up shyly, twirling the white ties on his red board shorts and said, "I'm not sure I could just let it drop like that. I kinda have an obsessive personality."

I chuckled, already well aware of that. "Well then, your compositions will never live up to their full potential, Edward. I heard you even before I got through the door this morning, and you're a brilliant pianist; such a God given gift."

His frown softened and a look of tenderness replaced it. "Thank you, Bella. That means a lot coming from you."

I shrugged happily. "Honestly I'm little jealous."

"Of me?" he sounded incredulous. I nodded. "Why?"

"I've always wanted to play the piano but we couldn't afford lessons."

His entire demeanor brightened. "I'll teach you." Oh crap! Why did I have to go and admit that to him? The very thought of being alone with him in that music room sent my barely contained hormones into a frenzy.

I picked a strand of hair and wound it furiously around my finger. "N no," I stammered, embarrassed. "You have more important things to do with your time than teach me." _Please, Edward, no. I'll more than likely embarrass myself in front of a genius like you._

"Bella…" My name rolled of his tongue in the most sensual way. Was it crazy that his voice was already so engrained in my mind? He leaned over and touched my knee, caressing the soft skin in tiny circles; I gasped, panting wantonly. "Please, let me teach you." In my head he said, _please, let me touch you. _

I stared at him with unconcealed want… and nodded.

_Holy Crow! How did he do that? _

**EPOV**

I was certain our insane chemistry had just quadrupled.

It seems we have a lot in common and for whatever reason that fanned the flames between us. And like a thirsty man, parched from going too long without drink, I needed to know more about her.

"What kind of literature do you like to read?" I asked eagerly. I was hungry for intelligent conversation, you know, ones that don't involve Gameboys and Prada bags.

"Oh, like I said, mostly classics." She touched her red bottom lip in thought. "I brought with me my collection of Jane Austen; I know, I'm a girl, don't laugh." I smiled. "I brought Wuthering Heights, Dickens, Browning and some Frost."

"Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Frost!" I exclaimed, gaining everyone's attention. "You like poetry, too?" Emmett rolled his eyes and went back to arguing with Rose, which was their version of foreplay.

"Very much," Bella nodded happily. "I used to write but I got tied down with dance class and school." She sighed, absentmindedly twirling her hair. It made me want to touch it for myself.

"Frost is one of my favorites," I said conversationally. "I wrote my term paper on his works."

"I wrote my English-Lit paper on Shakespeare's tendencies to be misagonystic toward women. Got an A, too," she announced proudly.

"Congratulations." I chuckled.

There was something I needed to ask, and it was needling me now that I was enjoying brain coitus with Bella; consensual stimulation.

"Why do you like Wuthering Heights?"

One of her dark brows lifted questioningly. "Well, have you ever read it?"

I nodded. "Of course, but I always felt there wasn't one redeeming quality about Heathcliff or Cathy. They're a poisonous couple. Why they made the top ten literature couples of all time, I'll never know."

She smiled bemusedly at me, as if seeing me in an all new light. "I think that_ is _their one redeeming quality, Edward. They_ love _each other whether we agree with it or not. Sure, their evil to the core, but the sacrifices they make, well... even death couldn't keep them apart." I thought about her words for a moment, feeling my frontal lobe fire off synapsis from under use, and had to agree with her assessment.

"Okay, I see what you're saying. But what kind of love is that, to hunt down the person you've dedicated your existence to and destroy everything that they love? It just isn't normal."

"Well of course it's not normal. Giving someone a dead bird as a declaration of love is downright disturbing, but in a weird way… I find the story oddly refreshing."

"You lost me," I said.

"The plot isn't flowery or over-romanticized. Charlotte Bronte wrote a dark, twisted, story about flawed people who fall in love in a less than perfect time in history. The whole things messy, just like the real thing."

"Yeah, but…"

"If there were such a thing as perfect love, with perfect people, in a perfect situation, then we would live in a very boring world, don't you think?" I thought about it… and she was absolutely right. Not that I know anything about love, but the people sitting in the boat with me would agree with Bella. They had to fight to be together. Hell, they still do. But that's what makes it that much sweeter.

"Wow, you'd make an excellent teacher. You're incredibly insightful."

She beamed. "Thanks!"

"Do you know what feels really nice to me, Bella?"

"Nope, what," she smirked.

"That I can say the name Heathcliff and not have to explain that I'm not referring to the cartoon cat." I laughed. Bella burst into giggles, nodding in agreement.

Yep, two things I knew for sure; one: I was incredibly attracted to her. And two: She was intelligent, and we were definitely compatible. I'm not a prude, I appreciate normalcy, but Bella brought with her an air of sophistication and beauty that just isn't the norm.

She was perfect for me, and I knew it instinctively. Did she though?

**JPOV**

"Emmett, you're such an ass!" Rosalie chided. "What the hell do you know about aerodynamics let alone the German engine?"

His muscled chest rippled with indignation. "More than you think!"

"Prove it then." She started throwing scenario's at him for her next design, a German sports car.

Rose was going to attend Miami University along with Emmett this fall, except she enrolled in the engineering courses whereas Em got a football scholarship. Rosalie may be a diva, but get her in the garage and she could strip a shit-box and create something amazing in under two days; smart girl in expensive shoes.

I was starting medical school this fall at the U of A. As a kid Carlisle was amazed at how in tune I was with people. They talked to me, felt comforted by my words, though I was young and fresh from a broken home. Dad called it charisma, but I wasn't so sure. I think it was from my own experiences in Texas that made me sensitive to others sufferings; Rose and I came from a house full of angry drunks and it taught me to observe others and their behavior out of self-preservation. But what I most wanted with this understanding of human behavior was to train as a Psychiatrist, help fix what was mentally broken or bruised.

I've been secretly watching Edward and observing him for years. He worried more than any of my siblings. Rose's fear of change I understood. Alice's unhealthy desire to ignore anything from her past I respected. Emmett seemed impervious to pain, thus his need to prove his dominance. But Edward I've never been able to understand. I could feel his depression roll off of him, and frankly it scares me to death. I don't know how many times in the last month Esme has begged Carlisle to prescribe him medicine, and I tried to help, but dad insisted I leave Edward alone until they felt it was time to intervene. But when I came home from work this morning the atmosphere was different, lighter. It took me a few minutes to realize Edward wasn't banging at his piano like it insulted him. No, he played with the finesse of a man at peace with himself, and I was confused by it, worried even…until now.

I looked over at them in the front of the boat, happily chatting. What I witnessed was the typical human interaction interlaced with the chemical reaction to the opposite sex. They both reacted strongly to whatever scent and physical attributes the other possessed. Edward glances at her legs from time to time, her lips, her hair, her chest, but mainly searched her eyes for whatever it is he's looking for. He seemed completely engrossed by what she had to say. It sounded like advice on his inner turmoil as a frustrated artist. She was a dancer, an extension to his craft. From the look on Edwards face he was hungry to learn as much from her as possible. That made me wonder, was he lonely for that level of companionship? I can't imagine it has been easy to be alone in a house full of perfectly matched lovers.

So I shifted my attention to Bella.

Once in a while, when he was talking and laughing, she would extend her hand closer to his physical space, and I could feel her intense need to touch him, then she would hold herself with her arms. She was wishing he would hold her. I smiled for my brother. I liked Bella already, not only for Edward but because she made my Alice happy.

I hope she stays, Edward deserved her. She was his equal and I knew she would give herself willingly to him. It was just a matter of when.

_Like I said, people fascinate me! _

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_**Review please, please, pretty puh-lease...**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys. I've got a new chapter for you and the next one just needs to be tweaked a bit, so it'll be up soon. **

**As always I don not own anything Twilight related. It all belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyers.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

**EDWARD'S POV**

The sun was setting as we docked the boat. Each one of us groaned as we climbed off the unsteady vessel, burnt and stiff from the suns unrelenting rays. We realized too late that our sunblock was useless against its intensity, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was going to pay dearly for my carelessness.

While everyone else sweat, like a normal healthy person, I managed to stay dry as a bone, my damaged immune system misinterpreting its function once again. The heat sometimes gets trapped inside my body, cooking me from the inside out. Heat Stroke, Carlisle calls it, and he urges me to avoid it at all cost since it's so hard for me to reverse.

Gritting my teeth and smiling through the misery, I volunteered to walk Bella home, alone.

My family waved goodbye as they made the trek up the hill toward the house, dragging the empty coolers and baskets behind them.

Just when I though they were out of earshot I heard…

"_Edward and Bella sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_…"

Emmett.

The rest of them roared with laughter, shooting us amused looks over their shoulders. To emphasize my humiliation they finished the stupid nursery song at the top of their lungs.

I threw them a look that suggested they could go straight to hell, than nudged a blushing Bella in the opposite direction.

"Sorry about them."

"It's okay," she snickered. "Actually it was kind of funny."

"Yeah, their hilarious," I dead panned.

We strolled up the sandy path that led us to Phil's back yard, both of us silent and wondering what to say now that we were alone. It was awkward, and I blamed Emmett. He just couldn't keep his big fat mouth shut. I know he has severe ADHD, and most of what he does is due to poor impulse control, but for my sake couldn't he have popped an extra Ritalin?

I blew out a breath, hoping to defuse the tension.

"So," I stupidly stretched out the O. "did you have fun today?"

"Yeah, I did," she smiled, her eyes expecting spectacular conversation.

"Good, that's, good."

I rolled my eyes when she looked down and away._ What the hell way that Edward?_ Frustrated at my sudden inability to say what I was really thinking, I spewed forth inane bullshit that made me look about as intelligent as Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

I'll blame the heat; maybe it finally fried my brain.

On an impulse I reached over and grabbed her hand, threading our fingers hastily together. If my mouth couldn't say the words intelligently than let my actions compensate for it. Her eyes went wide with surprise, glancing up at me a million silent thoughts of her own. I smiled tentatively, hoping she understood what I was trying to convey.

My eyes said,

_Bella, I need you to know that I see you as more than just a friend, that I really like you and want you to stay. The stars seem to be aligned where we're concerned, and I'll be damned before I roll over and let you go back to Washington without proving that this can work!_

There, was that so hard?

_Would have been better if you said it out loud, moron._ The snarky voice in my head sounded very much like Alice.

She returned my uncertain gaze, probably gauging my sanity, but then her long thin fingers flexed around mine, testing the new intimate contact. I held steadfast to her small hand, enjoying the pleasant tingle between our palms. To my relief a beautiful bright smile spread across her face lighting up her brown eyes, and her grip tightened as if to say, _I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I want this to work, too._

It didn't matter that neither of this were brave enough to say it just yet, because my heart was already swelling like the string section of an orchestra, and for a brief moment I allow myself the illusion that all will work out, that she'll stay in Arizona to be with me and we'll have a sweeping romance worthy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I imagined kissing her lovely mouth, holding her soft body in my arms, and making mad, passionate, love to her on a giant bed draped with red silk… I blinked, shocked at the speed in which that fantasy formed.

While I had waxed poetic in my over sexed mind, I realized that at the core of this fantasy was the heart of all my desires. This particular desire burned brighter than anything else surrounding it, like a glowing blue sapphire in a pile of dull gray rocks; it stood out from the rest. I wanted Bella to know me, to see me and appreciate me for all my good points and bad. I want her to hear all my thoughts and feelings, dark and light. If I were a book I'd want her to flip through my pages and read my life story, from beginning to end, so to know me better. I wanted to get close to someone again, to let someone, namely Bella, root around in my heart and mind and pluck from it what she will.

I needed to become vulnerable, and it scared me to death. It's the first time in five years that I allowed my protective walls to come crashing down around me in a pile of rubble… and I felt naked and exposed, frightened and shivering.

The memory of why I had become this distrustful attacked me, as if waiting all this time to pounce…

_Jasper and I were fighting in the dirt like a couple of dogs, both of us snarling and trying to physically hurt the other. I wasn't beyond scratching him with my nails, though Emmett loudly pointed out that it was a sissy move. Jasper raised his fist and clocked me square on the jaw. I fell forward to the ground and spat blood from my mouth. I bit my damn tongue! Alice screamed my name, trying to pull Jasper off me, but he had me pinned to the ground with my face painfully mushed into the gravel, enjoying my agony. _

_Jasper, stop, Alice begged. You'll hurt him! _

_That's the point, Alice. _

_Don't talk to her that way, I demanded, jabbing my sharp elbow into his skinny gut. He roared and punched the back of my head in retaliation. My nose bounced off the ground and heard an ominous crack followed by a sharp stab of pain. _

_ARGH, I cried, Jasper, you asshole, you broke my nose!_

_I tried to scramble away from him in fear he'd do worse, but he pushed all of his weight on top of my back, laughing and pinning me solidly into the ground. _

_Rosalie whimpered, her blue eyes wild with anxiety. She couldn't handle sudden bursts of anger. You see, every other night Jasper had fresh bruises blossoming somewhere on his body or his face because when Harlan Hale stumbled home from the bar, drunk out of his mind, Jasper would hide Rose in the closet, and from inside the darkness she could hear the shouting and sharp slaps of fists on flesh, sometimes even cries of agony tumbling from a little boys lips… and right now her brother was lost to it again, lost to the violent instinct he learned from their father. _

_Jasper was focused on hurting me and nothing else._

_Jasper, man, you're freaking Rose out, Emmett snapped angrily. _

_Edward stuck his nose where it doesn't belong, Jasper growled, pushing my head into the gravel to emphasize his annoyance. That's when I felt warm liquid rush from my throbbing nose; blood._

_I gasped through globs of blood and pain. It's my job to look out for Alice, she's my sister! _

_You don't need to anymore, Jasper screamed like a crazy person. She's my girlfriend, not yours!_

_No, she's your sister, I spat, tasting blood on my lips. You're a pig, Jasper, and I'm going to tell mom! _

_Go ahead bubble boy, he cruelly used my nickname. Tattle all you like. Mom and dad already know! _

_Hurry it up, Jazz, Emmett warned, eyeing the driveway. Mom's car just pulled in._

_Rose moaned into her hands, rocking back and forth. It's alright Rose, Emmett crooned to calm her down. If they don't stop soon I'll drag them apart, okay?_

_Yes, Emmett, drag them apart, Alice ordered tearfully. _

_Fine, Emmett sighed, looking down at our tangled bodies. Christ Jasper, he frowned, it looks like the Saint Valentine's Day massacre! _

_Good, Jasper laughed bit unhinged._

_Get off our brother or I'll break your fucking nose too, he snapped. Do you hear me, get up, Jazz, NOW!_

_I felt Jaspers strong hold ease a bit…. then he left me go, getting to his feet and stumbling sideways._

_I just laid there panting and relieved that it was over. That's when mine and Alice's eyes met; hers panicked and mine furious. How could she kiss this violent animal? I caught them behind the garage locked at the lips, and now I'm getting my ass handed to me because I pushed him away from her. _

_With one last sharp kick to my ribs Jasper tore off down the beach, Emmett and Rosalie fast on his heels, yelling for him to stop. _

_I stared up at Alice, panting through gritted, bloodied, teeth. Her internal struggle was plain as day on her pinched face; go to Jasper or help Edward. She looked between us like a tennis match, and with a pained expression she whispered, I'm sorry, Edward. Then she ran after Jasper, calling his name. _

_I curled up into a ball on the ground, crying now that everyone left. The taste of rust and salt ran down the back of my throat, gagging me until I wretched and spat. _

_I raged inside my own mind, feeling relief in it... _

_How could she choose him over me? I'm her friend! I'm the one who knows she still talks her guardian angel when she feels scared; the nuns at the orphanage told her that if she prayed for an angel one would come down from Heaven to protect her. To Alice, that meant she was safe from her Uncle James. Does Jasper know that, because the last thing she needs is another guy forcing himself on her!_

_The sting of betrayal bit into my heart with the force of an alligator's bite. _

_I curled in on myself, holding my stomach and groaning for Esme. When she found me on the ground, broken and bloody, she demanded to know where I was hurt. I pointed to my heart… because Alice made her choice, and she chose him over me. I decided there and then that none of them will ever hurt me again, and the angry silence stretched on for five miserable years. _

If I had been paying the slightest attention to the timeline of my nightmares I would have realized they started again when I lost Alice's nightly comfort, but I was stubbornly convinced that I was right in my indignation and no amount of night terrors would change my mind.

Looking back on my twelve year old logic I can see where my ignorance landed me in that fight. Jasper was right, I realized. I had no right to interfere in matters that I didn't understand. But my paranoia over losing my first family pushed me to do insane, impulsive, things… like fight a boy with battle scars and post-traumatic-stress-disorder. Jasper had problems back then, but I had noticed since that he'd shoot me regretful looks when he thought I wasn't looking. He felt bad… and I finally forgive him.

By the time we reached the back door to Phil's house, the porch light attracting a cloud of fluttering moths, Bella asked in her soft, cashmere, voice, "Do you want to come inside?"

I smiled crookedly and nodded. "Yeah, I'd love to."

She went to reach for the door but I beat her to it; I was raised a gentleman after all. Before we even stepped over the threshold the scent of burning food hit us full in the face.

"Bella," Renee cried, waving gray smoke around with an oven mitt.

"Mom, what's that smell?" she asked, wrinkling her dainty nose and waving her hand in front of her face.

"Whew, that stinks," I coughed, covering my nose with my shirt.

"It was supposed to be dinner, but…" A sudden burst of flame flashed beneath a pot on the stove.

"Mom!" Bella ran forward before I could grab the small fire extinguisher near the door. Bella bumped Renee out of the way with her hip and assessed the problem with a tragic expression. "You have to stir the pasta, mom, or it stick to the bottom! And, oh god, the sauce…"

She plucked the smoking pot off the red hot burner, switched it off with a quick twist of her wrist and placed it gently in the sink to avoid the orange flame. It quickly extinguished before I sprayed it with the nozzle. Dropping it to the floor with a clang I wrenched open a window above the sink, the smoke escaping in heavy black billows.

Bella gasped and said, "I think… *cough*… some spaghetti sauce dripped underneath the pot… *cough*…"

"Definitely a grease fire," I agreed, waving the smoke out the window with a place mat. My eyes stung and were streaming with tears.

"Can I help," Renee meekly asked. She was red as a beet.

Bella imperiously pointed her to the walk in pantry. "Go get me a new jar of sauce from the cupboard while I'll fix this ridiculous mess! Honestly, who doesn't know how to make spaghetti?" It was as if she were talking to badly behaved child.

Geese, Esme would have shot me before I finished a sentence like that.

Renee did as she was told though, looking like a bewildered owl. She came back a moment later with a jar of Ragu and handed it to her furious daughter.

It was then the smoke detector decided to sound off in deafening beeps; one more calamity to contend with.

"Edward," Bella yelled over the ear piercing sound. "You're the only one tall enough to reach the fire alarm." I grabbed the blasted mat again and stretched up on tip toes, fanning vigorously until the alarm stopped its incessant whine.

Plunking back to the floor I spun around to assess the situation. "Is that it? No more emergencies?"

Bella sagged against the sink with relief and nodded. "Yes, thank you, Edward." I nodded back, running a hand through my hair and offering a tight smile.

"It looks like a bomb went off in here," Renee observed.

She was right, the stove top was charred and spaghetti sauce blobs dripped off the countertop to the floor. Truly it was disgusting.

Bella continued to ignore her mother's nervous chattering by shoving a bowl of sauce in the microwave and stabbing the start button. It whirred and rotated on command. She then moved onto angrily prodding the gelatinous blob of noodles from the bottom of the pot. It looked like a lumpy mush of spaghetti strands to me, not to mention a lost cause.

Renee looked at me uneasily for help, but I didn't know Bella well enough to know how to draw her out of her anger. Apparently neither did Renee.

"You know, Bella," said Renee. "I remember when you were just two years old and you broke open a bag of flour in the kitchen. It got everywhere, including your eyes. I panicked when you began to cry, but your dad stayed cool as a cucumber. He took you to the bathroom and cleaned you up, talking calmly until you stopped crying. Your eyes were okay of course, but being the worry wart that I am I took you straight to the emergency room. It only made you hysterical all over again."

Bella listened to the story, but was still turned away from her mother, scrubbing at the stove with a wet sponge.

"My point is that I'm just as nervous as you are, honey, so I'm going to freak out a lot and make stupid mistakes along the way… like this."

Bella threw me an exasperated glance; _parents_. I bit my lip so I didn't smile. Renee was embarrassed enough.

"Look, Bella," Renee touched her daughters shoulder. "Give me the sponge and I'll clean it up; it's my mess, my mistake… and I'm sorry." Bella sighed and turned around, handing it over.

"No, mom," she shook her head regretfully. "I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. It was disrespectful, and I let my anger get the better of me." Renee grinned, quick to forgive.

"Hey, why don't you go show Edward your bedroom and I call for take-out." She picked up the phone and dialed. "You like Chinese?"

"Yeah, I do," Bella scowled. "But what about the spaghetti sauce, I just put it in."

Renee waved it off, unperturbed. "I'll put it in the fridge for tomorrow." She swiftly rattled off her order, obviously used to take out.

Bella blinked at her mother with a clouded look of confusion. It was obvious even to me that Bella and her mom had opposite personalities; Renee was flighty and spontaneous whereas Bella seems thoughtful and careful. _Strange_, I thought. _It's usually the other way around_.

"There," Renee said on a breath. "Dinner will be here in a bit."

A soft tapping on the glass door made Bella and I spin around just as we were headed toward the hallway. Alice smiled mischievously and waved_. What the hell is she doing here? _

"Hey guys," she said brightly after Renee let her in. "I came to get my brother…" She paused and wrinkled her small nose. "Did something burn?"

"Come on, Al," I snapped, dragging her along and sparing both Renee and Bella further embarrassment.

"Where are we going," Alice demanded, yanking out of my grip.

"My room," Bella announced at the end of the hall.

She pushed the door open revealing a plain white room with dark blue carpeting. A pink floral canapé bed stood in the center of the room, accompanied by a small pine bureau, a stand fan, and a full length oval mirror. The only thing that seemed to belong to Bella was a battered blue suitcase, a red backpack, and an ugly pair of man-boots beside the bureau. I made a face. _Are those hers?_

She shrugged happily and smiled. "It's not much, but it's mine."

"It's_… clean,_" Alice nodded, looking around critically.

"Clean," Bella laughed. "Why thank you, Alice, clean is what I was going for."

"I think what Alice is trying to say is that it lacks your personality."

"Exactly," Alice pointed at me, nodding.

"Well, all I brought with me were some clothes, books, and toiletries. I never expected to stay."

My heart pounded like a kettle drum at the mention of her staying.

This was the deciding factor in our relationship, and I knew that I wanted her to be my girlfriend more than anything. But how do we proceed when we weren't certain if she was staying or going? I was afraid to get attached in case she left, yet I was afraid not to.

What do I do?

I stared into her beautiful amber eyes, silently begging her to stay. She could read the intention in my stare, a longing echoing in her own. _Tell me what to say, Bella, that'll make you stay with me. I do anything, say anything…_

Alice cleared her throat, watching our silent struggle with pity. She felt like an intruder. "Um, Edward, I came over because mom wants everyone home for dinner."

Tearing my eyes away from Bella I located my sister beside the door and nodded. "Yeah, just let me say goodbye okay?"

"Can I come over tomorrow?" Bella asked, looking between us.

Alice rolled her eyes. "You never have to ask to come over, Bella."

"Yeah, just walk through the front door, no phone call needed."

Bella looked moved by our open door policy. It was reserved for those we love the most, after all.

Alice strolled out the door and called over her shoulder, "I'll keep Renee occupied, so smooch and make it quick you two." I just smiled, too nervous to feel embarrassed.

Taking both her hands in mine I peered down into her slightly sunburnt face and murmured, "You have to come over tomorrow anyway."

She smiled. "And why's that?"

"Two reasons…" I raised my hand and cupped one side of her slender neck, the pad of my thumb drifting across her rosy cheek. "One, we have piano lessons. I'm going to make you honor your promise to learn. And two," I pressed my lips to her ear and whispered, "I would desperately miss you, my Isabella. I couldn't stand it if we were apart for even a day."

"Oh Edward," she breathed hotly in my ear. Her warm humid breath caressed my sensitive ear lobe, sending shivers slithering down my spine and settling pleasantly in my pelvis. Desire pooled in my groin, heated and instantly hard.

"God, Bella, you smell good," I groaned into her neck, breathing in her coconut scented hair and skin.

I was nibbling her milky neck, unable to keep my hands from yanking her waist to mine, when she gasped, "Do you think you could visit me later?" I pulled back and stared down into her dilated eyes.

"What, tonight?" my voice was husky and wanton.

A slow, demure smile stretched her berry lips. "Just don't use the back door," she coyly advised.

I frowned, following her gaze to the only window in her room. The pane was slid half way up… and slowly, I understood. With the speed of a horny teenage boy I visualized where her window was in juxtaposition to the grounds_; first floor, back of the house, the furthest window to the right!_

My gaze snapped back to Bella in silent question; _are you sure?_ Her warm honey eyes sparkled with invitation, daring me to say no.

_Holy hell… _

"Bella," Renee called, jumping us both. "Dinner's here."

"I'll be right there," she called breathlessly.

A chance to make our first kiss memorable had just presented itself, so I placed a hasty kiss just beneath her jawline and whispered, "Good night, Isabella Swan."

Bella smiled dreamily, her honey eyes sparkling and lovely. "Till later, Edward Cullen."

It was a promise.

**ALICE'S POV**

"So tell me, stud. Did you kiss her?"

"No," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "But I held her in my arms and kissed her neck. Does that count?" I nodded excitedly, following him across the Dwyer's dark lawn.

"I thought so," he smiled smugly with a strut worthy of John Travolta.

He sighed dazedly. "Alice, do you know that song by The Cure, called Lovesong?"

"Yeah, it's been a while since I've heard it but I definitely know it. Why?"

"Because it explains perfectly how I feel right now."

To my surprise he sang a few lines from the song. It was flawless and lovely, just like his music at home.

_Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I can love again… _

"I need her to know that's how I feel. That I'm not just some random guy that thinks she's cute. No, I want what you and Jasper have. And with Bella I can feel that happening." He nodded to himself. "It's something… _more._"

I stared up at him, wide eyed. My brother was falling in love, but did he realize it?

"Edward, that was beautiful."

He grinned shyly. "Thanks."

"Just tell her exactly what you told me and you'll have her in the palm of your hands."

He grinned crookedly. "In the palm of my hands, eh?"

I rolled my eyes and swatted his arm. "Boys," I muttered to his amusement.

Then a fabulous idea flashed across my mind…

"Ooh, I know," I bounced up and down, grabbing his arm with a burst of excitement. He laughed. "Make Bella a mix CD!" I waved off his immediate eye roll. "I know it's corny, but you both love music and, well, it's a natural way to communicate, just like that song you sang. Sometimes someone can say it better for you."

He turned contemplative for a moment then smiled brightly, nodding.

"You know, Al, your right." He threw his arm over my shoulder, the weight of it familiar and heavy. "It's a great idea. Plus it gives me something to bring her tonight when I sneak over."

I blinked, bemused. "What do you mean, sneak over tonight?"

He walked away from me before answering and skirted around the edge of Phil's property. He dashed along the back of the house, searching for something high on the brick wall.

I watched on in confusion.

"Edward, stop," I hissed, following him. "What the hell are you doing?" Mom's going to flip if we don't get home soon. She's a regular bear if we're late for dinner.

"I just have to make sure I have the right window before we go home. It wouldn't be smart of me to crawl into Phil and Renee's room by accident."

"Oh, well, if that's all," I said sarcastically. "Look, you need to calm down or you're gonna find yourself on the wrong end of Phil's baseball bat."

"Relax, Al, I think know what I'm doing."

I scoffed skeptically.

He stepped lightly onto a drainage pipe and peeked in through an open window. The net curtains fluttered around Edwards face, and he grinned like the Cheshire cat.

He looked down at me with that maniacal grin. "Yep, it's her room."

I crossed my arms and scowled. "You know you're an official peeping tom, right?"

He slid back to the ground with the litheness of a squirrel and sighed tragically. "You can be so dramatic sometimes."

"_Me_," I touched my chest incredulously. "Look who's talking. You're the biggest Drama Queen of us all."

He snorted. "Please. I'm surprised you and Rose haven't won Oscars for Best Dramatic Scene or something."

"Hey, if I'm getting an Oscar it's for best wardrobe and makeup. So suck on that, bitch." I swiveled my head and snapped.

He threw his head back and laughed. "Wow, way to prove me wrong! You aren't a Drama Queen, you're a freaking Diva."

As worried as I am for his wellbeing, cause let's face it, when Phil catches him sneaking into Bella's room he's dead meat; hearing him laugh like that again… well, it felt weird, like I had slipped back into happier times. I wanted to pinch myself in case I was dreaming. But I knew I wasn't. That smile belonged to my brother, and it was as infectious as I remembered.

I couldn't help but smile back.

He draped his arm happily over my shoulder and steered us out from behind the house. It was so dark that I stumbled a few times over rocks and tree roots until we slid back into the open yard. Out here the moon had flooded the door yard, so we slipped through the fence and followed the path to the porch.

"So, how did you convince her of this _fool proof_ scheme?"

"Bella's the one who invited me over. I merely accepted." I gave him my best, _'do you take me for a fool'_ expression.

"Okay, obviously we'll be breaking a few rules," he admitted. "But no one will find out if I make the jump smoothly."

I scrutinized his glowing expression and the way his muscles bunched and rolled with tension. Sex, that's what the manic gleam was about. How had I not seen it earlier? He liked Bella, hell, maybe he even loved her, but he was a seventeen year old guy and Bella was a very pretty seventeen year old girl; all it takes is a spark and _KABOOM!_

I reached out and turned him until we were facing each other on the porch steps. I took two obligatory steps up so we were eye level for once.

"Edward, you just met Bella," I reasoned. "You both need time to get to know one another before you jump into something irreversible."

"What do you mean, irreversible?"

"Sex," I said bluntly. He flinched back, embarrassed. "Did you know that mom and dad are taking her in all next week while Renee and Phil are on their honeymoon? We'll be virtually unsupervised."

"Are you telling me that she's going to stay with us all next week, in our _house_?"

His green lamp-like eyes were bright and bugging out.

"Yeah," I nodded, smiling. "And it's the reason why you need to dial back your excitement, at least while she's staying with us."

"What for," he demanded.

"You know that Renee is mom's friend, right?" He nodded, scowling at my convoluted logic. "Well, think about it. She'd feel pretty bad if you go and fuck Renee's daughter while under her care. It'll be a trust issue between two friends, believe me." He flinched again at my bluntness. It was a testament to how long it's been since we actually interacted.

I poked him in the chest. "There's more at stake than your virginity, mister."

I'm not sure if I've ever seen a boy blush that hard. It told me all I needed to know about his sexual past. He had none.

"Look," he said, flustered. "I don't know what you think is going to happen tonight, but I'm not going to jump into bed, nail her, than leave. Hell, I'm not Emmett."

At that, I snorted. "No one's like Emmett, except for maybe Ron Jeremy." Or so Rose says.

"I was just planning on kissing her tonight, that's all. I swear."

"Poor, naïve, fool." He frowned at my condescending tone. "Edward, you haven't experienced what it's like to lay in bed with someone you're physically attracted to. It's overwhelming and damn near impossible to keep your hands… _and other things_… to yourself."

Inspired, I rifled through the black leather Gucci bag slung over my shoulder, and said, "Do you have protection?"

"_Alice,"_ he hissed, shooting covert glances at the house. We were on the front porch in front of the kitchen window. Anyone could see us if they passed by.

"Here," I dropped a trusty Trojan packet into his hand. He blinked at the condom, a question in his eyes.

"What, I always carry them," I said defensively. "You never know when you'll need one." He looked disconcerted by that information, but I noticed he pocketed it pretty quickly.

Amused, I followed my best friend inside, completely happy for the first time in six years. I had room for both Jasper and Edward in my heart, and it was about time they accepted it.

**ESME'S POV**

I swear this day refuses to end.

I woke at 4 AM, showered and dressed for work then proceeded to wake Carlisle to do the same. I turned my attention to the kids and their needs while my husband showered. I checked in on their sleeping forms; Edward was mumbling in his sleep again, and I kicked Emmett's butt back to his own bed and out of Rosalie's.

Honestly, I need to make sure those two are using some form of birth control. No need to become a grandmother just yet.

In the kitchen I started a pot of strong coffee and ate a slice of buttered toast, enjoying the few free minutes I allotted myself every morning. Feeling the caffeine mercifully kick in, I jumped up and packed the kids their picnic for the boat; two baskets worth of chicken salad wraps, water, and chips. When Carlisle entered the kitchen looking handsome in his black dress pants and gray button up shirt I pecked him on the lips and ran out of the house.

Once at work I found a contract for Marcus King, the shopping mall tycoon of Arizona, sitting on my desk. Frowning, I marched to the boss' office and demanded that he give this job to someone else. He knows I'm doing too much as it is, and besides, shopping malls are not my forte. I argued my case thoroughly, asking how I'm supposed to give my current clients the proper attention they deserve if I'm running around like a headless chicken.

To make a long story short I walked out of his office with the fate of a shopping mall in my hands; _there goes my weekend_.

I angrily flung my red Jimmy Choo's in the closet and tore my dress off, opting for a comfy Juicy track suit and some fuzzy rainbow socks; the ones Alice bought me for my birthday. They we're childish but comfortable like she said. My toes wiggled with delight.

I trotted down stairs to start dinner.

Emmett and Rosalie were on the couch arguing about something completely immature and inappropriate, breaking wind in bed. Jasper, on the other hand, was in the leather recliner playing some God awful video game that blew people's heads clean off their bodies.

"Hey, guys," I said on my way by. All I got were a few halfhearted waves and grunts; _teenagers._

I stalked past the kitchen window and immediately back tracked. Edward and Alice were standing on the porch looking at something in her purse. I watched this strange transaction with a frown. When Edwards head swiveled in the windows direction I ducked out of sight.

_That was strange._

Worry gnawed at my stomach while I rummaged for food in the fridge and cupboards.

I couldn't help but feel frustrated by Edward's odd behavior. I know that he's struggling with depression, and Carlisle thinks it's simply a hormonal imbalance all teenagers go through, but I have a bone deep feeling it's more than that. Something's hurting my son, and in turn, it hurts me.

So imagine my surprise when I get home from work and Edward isn't anywhere in the house, as he usually is. I asked around and got a few noncommittal shrugs and covert glances, but it was Alice who broke under pressure, telling me he was at Renee's house. Wondering why the hell Edward was bugging my best friend, I sent Alice over to retrieve him for dinner.

They all know the rule: Be home in time for dinner.

The older the kids got the more they were being pulled in different directions, and soon three of them will be leaving home for good. It filled me with a sense of urgency, because an era was ending with the force of a slammed door.

Edward and Alice finally came in through the door still wearing their swimsuits and looking incredibly guilty about something.

"Hey you two," I called, freezing them in their tracks. "Where have you been?"

"Walking Bella home," Edward answered with a friendly grin. He fidgeted with something in his pocket and Alice batted his hand away, throwing him a meaningful look. Blushing, he looked away… though a trace of humor glinted in his eyes.

The frozen package of hamburger slipped from my fingertips and hit the floor with a low _thunk_. Bending over to retrieve it my mind raced. Did Edward just willingly talk to me? And did he actually smile and interact with his sister? I thought those two weren't on speaking terms. As far as I know they currently held the world record for longest time without acknowledging each other's existence.

On my way back up I schooled my features to a neutral expression, if that was even possible. I probably look constipated.

"Oh," I nodded, "I forgot about that."

Edward snickered. "Obviously."

_Okay, something's really wrong here._

"So did you and Rose find Bella a dress for the wedding?" _Wow, I pulled that question out of thin air._

"Yeah, it's beautiful," Alice answered brightly. "She'll look gorgeous." I may be mistaken, but I swear to God Alice just winked at her brother. He grinned back shyly, biting his bottom lip.

_Okay, that's it! _

I plunked the blob of frozen meat to the countertop and narrowed my eyes at my youngest son. I was unable to hold my incredulity in any longer. He wasn't grimacing, angry, or even brooding in a dark corner like a sour puss. He looked genuinely happy… _or on drugs_, my subconscious added.

Freaking out now, I wiped my hands off on a dish towel and moved around the island to Edward's side. Reaching up I felt his forehead and cheek. "How are you feeling today?" He was definitely warm, fevered even, and his eyes looked overly bright and glassy.

_Oh God, what was it, uppers?_

"I'm feeling fine," he stepped back from my outstretched hand. "and how about yourself, mom, how have you been?"

"Um, well I…" I honestly didn't know how I was, because he was looking at me like he _really _cared, so naturally I was disconcerted.

I squinted closely at him as if he were out of focus, waiting for my vision to readjust back to the angry mask he always wore; I was tired enough to be hallucinating. But strangely enough he looked okay, happy even, just flushed.

He smirked, reading wonder and worry in my eyes.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or run screaming for the hills. Edward has been battling real depression for over a year now, and here he is standing before me like none of it ever happened. It didn't make sense.

What happened between last night, where he was arguing with his father and throwing dinner plates at his sister, to going on the boat and spending the day with his new neighbor? Last night he made it perfectly clear that it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do, but Carlisle and I didn't raise him to be rude.

Maybe I should ask Renee since he was over there by himself for quite some time. _No_, I corrected myself, _he wasn't by himself_. He was with Renee _and_ Bella. I scoffed at that idea. Edward's never bothered Renee and Phil before… until today.

An ominous tingle pricked at my scalp. Did he and Renee's daughter become _friends_? The idea struck me like a clap of thunder_. Holy hell!_

My fingers itched to call Carlisle. Something was really, really, wrong.

"Mom," he reached out and nudged me, throwing Alice a worried look when I didn't respond. "I think she short circuited."

Alice lowered my arm; it was still stretched out toward Edward like a deranged statue. "Hey, mom, are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, I'm fine," I nodded, blinking back my reverie. "I… I haven't eaten since breakfast, so I guess I'm a bit light headed."

"Well that's no good," Alice chastised. "Here," she tossed me a chocolate chip granola bar from the other side of the kitchen. I'm surprised I had presence of mind to catch it. "Munch on that. You'll feel much better."

"Thanks."

"Tough day, mom," Edward snickered, sympathetically patting my shoulder.

"Yes, you could definitely say that," I sagged against the island and bit into the granola bar_. _

_And it was only getting tougher. _

**RENEE'S POV**

"Baby girl," I called down the hall; her bedroom door was still closed.

After the Cullen's left she never came out for dinner.

I strode down the dark hallway and knocked, worry curling around my ribcage. "Bella, are you alright in there?"

"Mom?" Her head poked out of the bathroom door behind me. I spun around and found her wrapped in a towel.

"I needed a shower," she needlessly explained.

"Oh," I nodded in relief.

I still felt awkward about what happened earlier.

She chastised me like a mother speaking to a small child. It was embarrassing and frankly worrisome. I've wondered for eleven years how she perceived me and from the look she gave me earlier the prognosis wasn't good.

The hope I had for us getting along was quickly deteriorating. But I'm determined to let her sort through her own feelings before burdening her with mine.

There's no need to push her when she's so far from home.

That's why I'm relieved that she got along with the Cullen's today. It's good for her to have friends that'll keep her company while I'm running around trying to organize this damned wedding. I would have been perfectly happy eloping in Vegas since this was my second marriage, but Phil wanted a giant, family oriented, wedding here on the lake. I agreed simply because it gave me an excuse to see my estranged daughter.

Charlie couldn't ignore a request like that, though I'm sure that it's exactly what he tried to do.

"I thought you may have fallen asleep."

"Nope, I just needed a minute to myself." Bella blushed for some strange reason… or was that just from the steam clinging to her damp skin, I couldn't tell. But the more I looked at her the more I saw something was off. Her eyes were overly bright and her bare feet shifted from side to side in an inability to stay still. She looked like a cat on a hot tin roof. Seeing my narrow eyed scrutiny she quickly ducked back inside the bathroom and closed the door with a snap.

I grinned. And so the secretive behavior begins. I rolled my eyes;_ teenagers._

"Has Phil called about the Diamondbacks?" she called through the door_. How sweet, she remembered._

"Yeah," I answered, leaning against the wall. "He's been in a meeting with the managers most of the afternoon, so he shut his phone off. I think he forgot to turn it back on because he's not answering."

That could be a good sign or a bad sign, and it bugged me not to know.

I hoped for both our sake he pulls this off. Not only would it mean financial freedom, it would mean all the tiresome traveling was over and he could finally settle down. I'm at that point in my life where I'm ready to plant roots and stay put.

"Well, that sounds promising," she politely mumbled through the closed door, having no idea just how promising Phil's position could be.

I smiled, amused.

Whatever Bella's feelings are about me, I'm the happiest I've been since… well, since I first held her in my arms.

I recalled that chilly day in September with surprising clarity, considering how doped up I was on epidural.

She had such a sweet little face, all flushed from the exertion of birth. I remember how her pink lips puckered with annoyance, and even though she was a few minutes old she made her frustrations perfectly clear in the way she stared balefully at me and Charlie.

_Charlie…_

When I saw him climb out of his old Ford truck my stomach did a strange little flip. There he was, the man I met under the stars at La Push beach sitting with his friends at a bon fire. I couldn't help but recall how sweet he was, and that every time I looked across the fire at him… he was watching me too.

He was young, I was young. It was love at first sight.

I expected to feel your typical divorcee` resentment but what I felt was much more complicated than that. I felt regret.

My mind spun out in ten different directions, each vein of thought demanding answers; why didn't he love me enough to come after me, why didn't he want more out of life, why didn't he just listen to me when I told him I wasn't happy in Forks? _Why, why_, _why? _

When we were finally alone in the spare room putting Bella's meager belongings away, I felt him watching me. I looked up and found him grinning at me with a certain look. A slow blush crept up my cheeks. It had been a long time since we were alone in a bedroom together, and from the look in his eye he remembered how good it was too.

Being young had its perks, for instance stamina.

Despite reconnecting with my younger self's sexuality, there was the little matter that Charlie kept Bella from me on purpose, and no matter how much I still care for the man, he owed me an explanation.

The atmosphere between us shifted and cooled. Neither of us was particularly excited about this conversation, but it had to be done.

Straightening out of my crouch, I looked Charlie straight in the eye and asked, "What am I suppose to say when she asks where I've been?"

He dropped his gaze to the floor and shrugged. "You can tell her whatever you like."

"I won't lie to her," I warned.

"No, I suppose you won't." I narrowed my eyes at his bitter tone.

He has no right to give me shit about honesty! He's the reason we're in this goddamn mess to begin with!

Taking a calming breath I said, "Look, I don't want to say anything that's going to hurt or upset Bella, but we both owe her the truth." _Besides, I'm tired of looking like the bad guy for you._

After a moment of struggling with his anger he said, "You're right. She's going to college next year and she deserves to know that both of us support her." I nodded amazed that he saw my point without argument.

Apparently pigs do fly.

"God, Renee," he sighed tiredly. "How did this get so messed up?" I wanted to hit him over the head and say, _well duh!_ But I decided to take the high road.

"You hang on too tightly to things you love, Charlie, and choke to death those you don't." He shot me a nasty look. "My point is that Bella is old enough now to make her own decisions and choose her own path. You've got to let her go."

His pupils dilated with fear. "I'm afraid she'll never want to see me again after you explain."

"That's not true," I touched his rigid shoulder. He flinched. "I see the way she looks at you. She loves you. You're still her daddy."

"Yeah, but I think we've both proven that love isn't enough sometimes. Sometimes the wound is too deep to completely heal."

"Charlie…"

"No, Renee. What I did was unforgivable." He shook his head back and forth, sorrow crumpling his face.

"Oh, Charlie…" I moved forward without warning and wrapped my arms around him in a truce hug. We were both mature adults so this was perfectly acceptable… right?

I couldn't help but notice that he still smelled of Old Spice and damp earth. "I love you, Charlie Swan, and so doesn't our daughter."

He tentatively lifted his arms in an awkward back pat. "Yeah, me too, Renee. And I'm sorry for, well, everything. Will you tell Bella that for me?" Pulling away from him I nodded, my heart simultaneously heavy and light.

Together we left Bella's small bedroom feeling a little less burdened than we had before, but a brand new knot formed in my stomach as I contemplated the enormous task ahead. How am I going to tell Bella that her dad isn't as selfless as she once believed? Was she going to think I was lying to make myself look better, or would she turn her back on the both of us? God, I was going to have to challenge everything she believes in.

"Hey there," Bella sniggered. "Daydreaming?"

I hadn't noticed her exit the bathroom.

"Yeah, sorry kiddo," I rearranged my grimace. "Let's eat."

"I'll try," she said with a martyred expression, teasing me about the burnt spaghetti.

"You're not gonna let that go, are you?"

She grinned mischievously, scooping some food onto her plate. "Not a chance. Besides, it's not like you can mask the smell of tortured noodles in here."

I chortled with her, unable to believe how terrible I am around the kitchen. Why Phil's marrying me remains a mystery; he'll starve!

Smiling at each other with full mouths, our tongues bursting with yummy Asian flavors, there was a persistent knock on the sliding glass door. Edward Cullen stood in the door frame smiling and waving at us through the glass. _Two visits in one day_, I thought incredulously. This was definitely unusual. To my shock Bella stood up and knocked the bar stool over in her haste to open the door. She tore it aside, her chest heaving to match his. He looked like he'd literally run over here.

"Edward," she breathed in way of greeting.

"Hi," he chuckled low and throaty.

His smile was brilliant even from across the room.

Edward's hair was wet and slicked back like he too had just showered. It was a darker shade of auburn than when dry, and it made his cool green eyes jump out in startling contrast. Bella assessed his new look with rapt appreciation, taking in his snug, white, t-shirt, and blue track pants with white stripes down the legs. He looks like a sports commercial for clean shaven athletes. David Beckham, move over.

_What? I may be middle aged but I wasn't blind!_

"What are you doing here," Bella hissed, shooting me a look over her shoulder.

"May I come in," he asked playfully, holding a book in his hand.

"Oh, sorry," she apologized, moving aside.

He brushed past Bella and smiled at me. "Renee, mom said thank you for the cook book." He handed it to me with a certain grin, the twinkle in his eye telling me that he found the fact that I, assassin of spaghetti, was utterly hilarious.

I grinned back wryly, knowing I was never going to live that down.

"Tell your mother I said anytime, and that I'll call her tomorrow morning when the truck arrives." I was expecting a large wedding delivery tomorrow, and Esme offered up her families help. I'm no fool. I wasn't going to say no.

Edward was already looking back at Bella who was hovering shyly at the door. She fidgeted with her wet curls, trying to smooth them back in place.

I'm positive he didn't hear a word I just said.

"I suppose I have to go," he sighed.

"Oh," Bella looked at me, then back. "You could stay for dinner if you like."

He frowned. "I wish I could, but I can't. Mom's acting strange, and I think it would be wise if we didn't push her." I frowned at that bit of news.

He strolled to the door stopping a foot from Bella. He reached out and touched her hand with a quick sweep of his fingertips, cool green eyes staring intently into hers. A rosy blush flooded her cheeks.

_Hmm,_ I narrowed my eyes. _Awfully close proximity_.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay," he smiled crookedly. She nodded, looking thoroughly scrambled. "And don't forget, we'll start those lessons." He winked at Bella and turned out the door, strutting a little.

"Goodnight, Edward," she called, her body leaning out the door like she yearned to follow.

"Night, Bella." He turned back and watched her as he slipped through the fence. "Sleep well."

And he was gone, leaving my daughter a complete and utter mess. She somehow made it back to her stool without injury, though her shins took a beating from walking into things. She nibbled her dinner without any real gusto, heaving one dreamy sigh after another. For no reason at all she'd smile into space, her bright brown eyes seeing things I could not. I grinned into my glass of water, positive her rosy glow had little to do with the Chinese food and more to do with a certain cute neighbor.

_Oh boy. Bella has a crush._

I kept my amusement to myself, giving her a moment to sort through her daydreams, though I was dying to grab her hands and demand she spill.

"Edward's a good friend, huh?"

She blinked, coming out of her clouded reverie and found my face with some effort. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Edward Cullen. He's a nice boy."

"Oh! Ah… yeah, he is." Her big honey eyes slid out of focus and she sighed wistfully. "He's so interesting, you know?" I snatched my napkin to quickly hide another grin.

"So what lessons you're taking from him?

"Piano lessons."

"Oh. He plays right?"

She shot me an incredulous glare. "Yes, he _plays_. Haven't you heard him in the two years you've lived here?"

"No," I said, slightly taken aback. Her tone held all the condemnation of someone scorned, like not hearing Edward's musical talent was somehow criminal.

She huffed, "Edward's a brilliant pianist. He could go to freaking Juilliard if he wanted." Her eyes were bright as she took on an animated glee that belonged to someone passionate. "He played Claude Debussy's, Claire De Lune, like it was nothing to him, mom, _nothing!_"

She shook her head with wonder. "You know, I've been around a lot of so called musicians in the ballet… but he's the first that made me want to dance."

This quick glimpse into my daughter's heart was key to knowing her; she has a romantic soul.

"So you want to play piano and Edward is willing to teach you," I summarized, wishing to keep her talking. She was finally opening up.

"I've always loved the instrument," she explained with a shrug. "But I had to make the choice between dance and piano lessons, because you know, once the bills got paid the funds drained."

I flushed, feeling responsible for that. Maybe if she had two incomes growing up she would be as masterful as Edward Cullen apparently is.

She settled back into her seat, subdue now. "Once I was old enough I got a job at Newton's to pay for dance class on my own. I was so tired of hearing dad grumble about how we couldn't afford it; he didn't understand that I needed those classes, that I wasn't doing it to simply annoy him." She heaved a sad sigh, poking at her food with a fork. "But even then I could barely afford to pay the month's tuition on minimum wage and fill the truck with enough gas to get me to Port Angeles and back."

"So what did you do?" I asked, engrossed in her tale of adversity.

"Well, Madame Juliette let me stay behind after class to sweep up the studio and empty the trash, in order to pay the rest of the tuition I owed. It was there, in the dark ballet studio, that I sat down at the piano and taught myself the basic chords; I wasn't very good," she smiled sheepishly. I smiled back, sure that she was. "Jacob's mom was the only other person I knew that could play, but she got sick with ovarian cancer and died rather suddenly… so I put aside my silly dream and focused on Jacobs grief instead. He needed a friend to lean on." Her expression turned inward, remembering all these people, places, and events.

I think Bella was speaking of little Jacob, Billy and Eileen Black's son. I used to babysit him when he was a toddler; little trouble maker he was. But I had no idea that Eileen died. She was no older than me. Hearing news like that always brings mortality uncomfortably close to home. I focused on Bella's face instead, finding pain set deep in eyes so young. Was it her pain or her friend's pain she was reliving? Either way she should not being wearing an expression that grievous for someone her age.

Recalling that she had an audience, Bella eyes lifted to mine, her cheeks burning pink with embarrassment. I smiled and pointed at her rapidly cooling food. "I thought Ballerina's needed lots of calories to sustain their metabolism." She smiled, taking the hint, and tucked in.

I sat quietly for a while, processing what she said while Bella chewed her food carefully. All of what she just said; ballet, piano, her friends mom's death, all of it was a major part of her life that I didn't know about… and it hurt. Surely a mother should not feel so impotent.

She downed two glasses of water and picked her plate over before she built up the courage to speak again. "Mom," there was a hesitancy in her tone that reminded me of when she was three and scared of the dark.

"Yes?"

"I know that we haven't had much contact over the years, and I know there must be a good reason for the absence, but there are some things that don't need to be said over a phone call to be instinctively known; for instance, I love you, you're my mother, and no amount of distance or silence can change that."

I open my mouth to respond but she held up her hand, stopping me.

"I want you to know that I really like it here, and I'm having a lot of fun." I smiled, though I was afraid that she'd add a,_ but,_ to that sentiment. "And Phil seems really great. You chose a good man." I nodded in agreement. Phil is a good man.

She bit her bottom lip, summoning the courage to say whatever it is she's working up to.

"I never really fit in back home, never really felt part of the community; Forks or La Push. The Quiliute's took me in and taught me their ways, despite my being the only pale face allowed on the reservation beside dad." She smirked, but I didn't. No wonder she was dressed like a woodsmen when she got here, she literally grew up in the woods of La Push, doing God knows what with Jacob.

Pushing aside my sudden annoyance I focused on her words.

"… and I'm tired of the cold and the constant rain. I'm sick of being washed out like a ghost. I want to go outside and have the sun shine on me, to get tanned like you and look healthy and beautiful, not sickly pale." She took a steadying breath and blew it out. "Mom, Charlie means well, he loves his town, but I'm tired of trying to pretend that I'm happy for him."

My jaw hit the floor.

She just said the exact same words I delivered to Charlie when I left him: _I'm tired of pretending to be happy for you, Charlie_. It echoed in the back of my mind like a gonging bell, and to hear my daughter utter the same gut wrenching line cut me to the core.

_No, no, no_, Bella suffered in my place! That wasn't supposed to happen!

She endured the bone deep cold, the constant sheets of rain, the endless dark days. That kind of environment is no good for a vibrant girl like Bella. Forks bred outdoorsy people not ballet dancers and concert pianists.

"Bella I…"

"No, mom, let me say this. It's hard enough without interruption."

I nodded, biting off what I was dying to say, like I'm sorry and can you ever forgive me?

"I've always been responsible and well behaved," she began. "I've always done exactly as Charlie says. But I'm grown up now, and I think it's time for me to do what makes me happy. And here, with you and the Cullen's, I'm happy." I blinked, surprised to hear that. "Mom, can I move in with you and Phil? I'll do my fair share around the house. I'll even get a job so not to burden you financially. I'm a good worker. Just ask Mr. and Mrs. Newton." I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands, eyes wide enough to fall out my head.

She gaged my reaction with trepidation. "Please, mom," she begged, looking desperate and scared. "Let me stay. I don't want to go back, please…"

My ancient mask of sadness shattered and revealed itself with an ugly moan. I flung my arms around her shaking shoulders so tightly I was crushing her to me, holding her to my chest and rocking us from side to side. "As if I'd ever turn you away, baby girl… Yes, of course you can move in! Nothing would make me happier."

"Really," she pulled back, brown eyes shining with crocodile tears.

I laughed, wiping them away. "Of course, and you don't have to sell yourself for me to want you. I'll always want you more than anything. More than this house, this lake, _Phil_… You're my daughter, my flesh and blood and I love you."

She broke down in my arms like a small child, great sobs of emotion tumbling out of her. All I could do was hold on and let the pent up pain flow out of her. I could feel every excruciating slash in her soul; loneliness, fear, hatred, anger, abandonment… and with every racking sob it was like a raw exposed nerve.

Charlie lied to me! Bella was not happy or better off without me. All I see before me is a scared little girl, stunted emotionally and desperate to start her life. She needed her mother to gently nudge her in the right direction, and so far she's done nothing but bump off the damn walls in the dark, searching for help.

"Isabella Marie," I took her by the shoulders and made her face me. It had been a long time since I was her mother, and the new era began now. "I am so sorry for making you feel unwanted and unloved."

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "S'okay," she croaked and quivered.

"No, it's not okay."

"What do you mean?"

"The truth, I owe you the truth."

Her honey eyes widened, not really sure if she was ready to hear it or not. She nodded all the same giving me permission to explain what happened eleven years ago.

"I may have left your father but I never left you." Her brows scrunched in confusion. My explanation collided with her understanding; I expected as much.

"You see, I called Charlie as soon I got settled in California, where I had rented a small apartment and got a temporary job as a motel maid. I told him I was coming up to get you and your things, to have you packed and ready for when I arrived, but he told me that if I didn't come back to home for good… that I'd never see you again. So I drove up the coast determined to bring you back with me despite your father's threat. I guess I didn't believe he'd do such a terrible thing."

I let Bella sort through her thoughts, each emotion playing out like a page in a book. Once she had gotten past the incredulity of my impossible explanation she settled on anger. Anger at whom, I had no idea.

I soldiered on…

"When I reached Port Angeles I got pulled over for speeding. It was Officer McKinley, one of your dad's buddies." Bella nodded, knowing him. "But by the time he finished writing me the ticket and brow beating me for driving fast on wet roads, Charlie had taken you away. The house was dark and vacant, and I tried to get inside but he'd changed the locks on me." Bella's eyes were round as quarters, the horrifying truth sinking in. "Charlie must have left in a hurry because I found something of yours on the front lawn in the rain and mud. Something you'd never leave behind on purpose."

I got up and retrieved a small black and white stuffed cat from my closet.

"I found this." I held it out to her, and she gasped.

"Baxter!" Her shaking hands shot out and snatched the doll from my grip, looking over every ratty inch of him. "But dad said I must have dropped him somewhere on the reservation!"

"Well you didn't. I took him back with me in some pitiful attempt to keep some part of you with me while I figured out how to get you back."

I knelt down in front of her, my hands on her knees while she stared tearfully at her lost toy.

"I can't tell you how many times I called and Charlie told me to leave you alone, that you'd settled and that you were better off without me."

"But that's just not true," Bella fumed, puffing up in indignation. "I sat in that damn window seat for days, waiting for you to come home and take care of me! Charlie was always gone, always at work, always too busy to answer my questions. So I ended up staying with Jacob and his parents for weeks on end, wondering where the hell my parents went and why they didn't want me anymore!"

"I know, honey, and I'm so sorry."

"Sorry," she scoffed angrily.

"You have to believe me, Bella. I tried… I tried so hard to get to you back, but your dad was always two steps ahead of me."

"How is that even possible?" she demanded.

"I'd drive up the coast only to be pulled over again and again for speeding when I wasn't, and always by one of Charlie's friends." I shook my head in frustration. "All I can figure is that Charlie had my license plates monitored, and when I was spotted driving through Port Angeles he got a call to get out of Dodge…"

"… and he'd hide me at the reservation where no pale face's where allowed but Charlie and I," Bella finished, eyes flashing with anger. She was getting it now.

My own eyes were so full of tears that her face was nothing but a blurry mirage.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. As lame as that sounds, it's true. I am so very sorry."

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Why did you leave to begin with?"

"For the same reasons you are." She flinched at my answer. "Bella, I know how mind numbingly depressing Forks can get. I know the gloom that settles inside," I pointed at my heart. "It rains so much it permeates everything, including your mental health. But the main reason I left was because your dad refused to move away."

"Wait," she held up her hand for me to stop. "Let me see if I got this straight. My life got turned upside down because you wanted to _move_?" _Oh boy, she sounds pissed._

"Yes. I was determined that by the time you entered Kindergarten we would be settled in a warm climate with sunshine and blue skies. I wanted us to have a nice house with a big back yard and neighbors like the Cullen's." I reached up and caressed her flushed cheek, sighing. Her eyes were so sorrowful. "Sweetheart, you deserved a better life than what Charlie and I were providing. I wanted my daughter to have things that I didn't, like a better education. Yeah, your dad and I both have decent careers, but I wanted the world for you to choose from, instead of the cookie cutter jobs that were offered in our small community college."

"There's nothing wrong with either of your careers. Law enforcement and teaching are admirable," she said.

"Yes they are," I smiled. "But there not for everyone, say a little ballerina with big dreams." She flushed, looking down at her lap. "Baby, even at a young age you didn't fit in Forks. While your friends played house and pretended to be mommies, you were twirling around the house listening to Beethoven and reading books too old for three year olds. Your dreams were too big to fit in that small town… and Charlie knew it. So after a few years of talking about moving and getting you into dance programs, I realized your dad was merely placating me. He wasn't budging. For better or worse you and I were stuck in Forks."

"Wow," Bella whispered. "All those years and dad knew how much I loved the arts, yet he made me feel bad about it, like I was putting him out by spending money on classes." She shook her head, unbelieving. "Mom, I just don't understand. Why would he do that?"

"I don't know, honey. Fear, I suppose. Charlie is clearly in his element in the mountains and forests, it's all he knows. I suppose your gifts are… unrealistic to him."

"But that's not fair," she argued. "It isn't his decision what is or isn't right for me. I listen to classical music and read literature for Christ sake. I like art and drawing, photography... basically anything right brained." I patted her legs and stood up, laughing. She was correct, if there was ever someone right brained it was my daughter.

"That's why I decided to take charge and finally leave, but that last month at home is the hardest for me to recall clearly. But I'll try…" I screwed my face up in concentration, my mind reaching for deeply repressed memories. They were there, and I could see them hiding behind the clutter of my every day thoughts. I reached in and yanked them out… "It had rained for a solid month," I began, my voice soft and distant. "… in nothing but gray clouds and sheets of icy rain. The roads were dangerous and flooding, so Charlie had you and I on lock down until the bad weather passed. You were going stir crazy, and I was… well, I was sitting in the window seat staring out at the gloom, hating Charlie for not listening to me, hating the claustrophobia I felt, hating myself for not being a stronger woman or a better mother. I was just so full of anger." I swallowed, recalling the painful burn in my stomach, later diagnosed as an ulcer.

"I was in a scary frame of mind, and I had no one to talk to about it. You saw the changes in me almost immediately; coloring me pretty pictures of sunshine and flowers… but Charlie chose to ignore it. I was in serious danger, Bella, and thoughts of suicide started creeping into my thoughts." Bella gasped. "It freaked me out too, so I went to see the doctor and he doped me up on _happy pills_. I slowly came out of the fog, but when I did it was a fake happiness. My smile was back but inside I felt ugly and useless, unable to get you the hell out of there. I felt… I felt..."

"Like you were in jail," Bella answered, watching me with wide eyes. I glanced up at her and realized that she knew exactly how I felt.

"So you left?" she prompted.

I nodded. "Yes, I left. In a moment of clarity I saw that my zombie like state scared you, and I needed to pull my head out of my ass and fix this, fast. The only way I knew how was to get you and me out of there, and if Charlie wouldn't come than it was his loss. So I left with nothing but my keys and the clothes on my back."

"I told you I'd come back for you, do you remember?" She shook her head no. I sighed, sad that she didn't. "Unfortunately by the time I had settled down in California Charlie had already devised his plan by activating his connections to watch out for my car, then telling me I'd never see you again."

"And you didn't," she whispered, stroking her cat Baxter.

"No. But I swear to God I tried."

She smiled sadly, hugging her cat to her chest.

"I'll admit I was a mess for a long time after that. That's actually how I met Phil, at a bar called the Pink Flamingo." We both snorted. "It was the cheesiest bar I could find in Phoenix, and I was drowning my sorrows in a blue Cosmo when he sat down beside me in his dirty uniform. He delivered the worst one liner in history; _is it hot in here or is just you._" We laughed together, feeling relief in the action.

"He's lucky you didn't dump your drink in his lap," Bella laughed.

"True," I chuckled. "But he was cute in his uniform so I saved him the humiliation."

Bella's face turned thoughtful, her brows knitting together. "I can't believe dad abused his badge like that. I thought he was a good cop."

"He is a good cop. He's a good dad, too."

She threw me an incredulous look. "But you just said…"

"I know what I said. But did you ever go without food, or clothes, or a roof over your head?"

She flushed and looked down. "No."

"Your dad loves you, Bella. It was me he was angry at." I reached out and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Unfortunately, baby girl, you got caught in the line of fire, and for that all I can do is say I'm sorry, for the both of us."

She sat in silence for a minute, sorting through this mess.

I stood up and began putting food away.

"Mom," she said, sounding so much like her six year old self.

"Yes?"

"What do I say to him when he calls?"

"The truth," I said firmly. "I already talked to your dad and he knows that I was going to talk to you. He won't be surprised." She swallowed and nodded.

She watched me clean the kitchen for a while with Baxter in her hands, her eyes blood shot and nose swollen. She was going to sleep like the dead tonight.

"I guess I'll go to my room, unless you want me to do the dishes."

"Nope, I got it."

With a small smile she turned and padded down the dark hallway toward her room.

Time passed in silence where it was just me and my thoughts, the soft clinking of soapy dishes lulling me. I was absolutely exhausted from expelling all that pent up emotion… when I heard a soft voice behind me.

"Do you regret leaving?"

I froze at the sink, my hands deep in suds and hot water.

Taking a deep breath I answered, "I may have gained my freedom, Bella, but I lost everything in the process. So yes, I suppose I do regret it." She nodded heavily, shadows passing behind her eyes.

"Goodnight, mom, I love you."

I smiled at the dishwater, tears dripping from my nose. "Goodnight, baby girl. I love you, too."

Hours later, as I sat on the couch mindlessly flipping through tv channels and waiting for Phil's news, I realized that for the first time in two years I felt like I was truly home… because my daughter was home.

* * *

**I wanted to explain before you whisked away to another fan fic that this story will become NC 17 and increasingly more graphic as Edward and Bella get physical. The next chapter is the beginning of that, and I will not be coy or fade to black. **


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